


Imaginary Friend

by Holyangelheart



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Character Death, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Imaginary Friends, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, There is fluff tho so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 04:43:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8236507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holyangelheart/pseuds/Holyangelheart
Summary: Killua’s a bedridden child who never had a friend the same age as him. He thought he was alone but then he started to hear strange sounds. For days the sounds kept him up, too afraid to find out what was the cause of them and who is this kid who suddenly knocks on his window? Is everything just a figment of Killua’s imagination or perhaps there’s something more to the story being told? “It’s like they’re connected by a red string of fate, Gon! I wonder if we might have that kind of bond too…”





	1. Creepy

**Author's Note:**

> Contains character(s) death(s). A sort of complex fic. Also has a lot of fluff. Dedicated to @htezoldicks (tumblr) since it’s her AU. It’s been almost a year...or more since I started this and I’ve decided it’s time. Also, thank you @crabbyhunter (tumblr) for editing this! It got super long and we didn’t edit it as much as we hoped (due to procrastination) but I’m still very proud!! I don’t know how many chapters this will have since I’m just copying/pasting from the final draft. For the first time I finished a fic fully before posting chapters!!!

On some days, he swore he heard soft taps against the window. On other days **,** he heard nothing at all.

The taps only occurred on one of the windows in his room, the large circular window that faced the backyard and an old oak tree. On the opposite wall was a square window that overlooked the street, and his bed was underneath its frame. Whenever he brought up the strange sounds to his aunt, she’d just brush him off and claim that the old oak tree must be the culprit. But he knew that was impossible because the tree never made those sounds before.

Being bedridden, he could tell the difference between the sounds around the house. The creaking of the floorboards whenever someone walked the floor below him, and the raindrops that fell on the roof above; he was an expert on those sounds. And seeing as he slept facing the circular window, he was also used to the sounds that the oak tree made. The scratching of the branches was calming even amidst a storm. The tapping **,** on the other hand, was alien and it frightened him. They always told him it was the same old oak tree, but there was one thing he knew for sure:

Branches don’t leave handprints. And ever since the tapping started, a handprint roughly the same size as his hand was on the outside of the circular window.

During the day, he could see the handprints and smudges as if they were brand new. He figured that maybe someone was cleaning the gutters and they left handprints or something when he wasn’t watching. Though, that didn’t make sense since he was awake most of the time.  But when he finally brought it up to his aunt, she dismissed him. She’d say that no one had been to the house in weeks, claim she was running late, and kiss him goodbye. He tried to bring it up when he knew she had no plans for the day, but it’d disappear before he parted the curtains.

And just when he thought the handprint would disappear forever, it would show up again in a different spot, seemingly whenever he opened his eyes. It was as though the hand was inching closer and closer to the latch.

He was afraid. Too afraid to even leave the curtains open after that.

As the days passed, he grew lonelier and more afraid. He was used to spending hours alone, but the odd sounds coupled with his hunger for companionship made it even worse. Laughter permeated through his walls as the neighborhood children played down the street.

He never met any of them in person. The illness he’s he had since birth made it nearly impossible for him to ever leave his bedroom, and the day he could play freely with the neighborhood children seemed like a farfetched dream. It became a habit for him to listen in on their conversations whenever they came close enough to the house, and he made it a pastime to memorize their voices for hours on end. He only knew a few of their appearances. Unless they were right in front of his house, he couldn’t recognize their faces. Yet in his mind, he had painted hundreds, if not thousands of pictures of what their games looked like. All in hopes of one day being able to run along and play.

Maybe his dream of meeting the kids would finally come. Maybe the tapping on the window was actually one of the kids throwing rocks to grab his attention. He could only hope.

Sometimes, on the lucky days when he could easily walk around his room, he’d try to see if a kid really was calling out for him, but he never once saw them. On such days, he would spend his time playing video games or spend time with his aunt in the loft. Those peaceful times varied greatly and could last from a few hours to a few months with minimal bumps along the way. However, he still spent most of his time in his room. His worst days were when he could barely lift a finger to even change the channel.

But it was on those days that the tapping occurred more consistently, as if to taunt him for being bedridden.

This went on until his exhaustion forced him to stay in bed for an entire week. That’s when the tapping got worse. The sounds seemed to grow louder and louder, as though they were becoming impatient.

_Let me in. Let me in. **Let me in.**_

For an entire week, his knuckles were deathly pale while clutching his blanket over his face, his eyes closed shut, praying that the monster outside his window would leave him alone once and for all.

After that week, he thought his prayers and wishes were answered. The tapping finally stopped. But now it was deathly silent. And there was nothing scarier than the silence the tapping left behind. Not even the pounding of his heart stood out as much as the silence did.

However, it didn’t last for long. Instead of tapping, an unfamiliar voice now murmured his name, for hours, and hours, and hours.

_Killua. Killua. Killua._

Then it began to form sentences, as if it finally learned how to speak. Now it could communicate with him.

_Killua. Killua, let me in. Please, Killua, open the window. It’s cold. I’m freezing. Why won’t you open the window for me? Please, Killua. Please. I’ve been waiting for so long and now you can finally hear me! So please, please. Let me in. Let me in, Killua. Let me in!_

**_“I’m dying out here alone.”_ **

\---

Killua awoke with a start, the voice loud and clear as it echoed in his mind. It was a dream **,** but he wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved. The room was eerily dark and it did nothing to calm his racing heart. Repeatedly, he assured himself that it was nothing but a dream, but the shaking of his hands did not stop.

With the energy he had, he quickly flung himself to the large circular window, a mess of blankets and fumbling limbs. It was the first time he checked it ever since the tapping became worse. He feared of finding something new, but paranoia had urged him to make sure. If it really was just a dream, then the window should look as it did before.

There were no fingerprints or smudges. He found a lot of scratches, but those had been there for a long time. But then he noticed something unusual. Upon closer speculation, there were a bunch of scratches on the bottom of the window, small enough that he didn’t see them at first. The scratches formed words; a sentence. A sentence that sent chills down his spine.

**_“I’ve missed you, Killua.”_ **

 

**-x-x-**


	2. Friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to write legit summaries for the rest of the fic because I don't want to give anything away! I hope you like it!

The next morning, Killua awoke to the sounds on his window again, but it was now a light knock, completely different from what he heard for months. It even sounded a bit polite to his ears and it made him wary.

Hesitantly, he grabbed the closest object that could hurt someone without much effort on his part. It was a fishing rod gifted to him by his aunt before he became bedridden. Slowly, Killua walked towards the window, ready to beat someone up if he had to. He’d probably lose but then at least he’d finally get to see the monster that haunted his dreams.

The sounds of his heartbeat echoed in time with the clock on the right wall, above his small flat screen TV. Seconds ticked by as he clutched the curtains of the large circular window in one hand, his fishing pole in the other hand. He waited, ready to knock some sense into the monster, but then the knocks stopped all together.

The silence was deafening to his ears.

Suddenly, something pounded on the window, nearly making his heart jump out of his chest. Filled with rage, Killua yanked the window open and bonked the monster on the head with the pole. “Oi, what do you think you’re doing scaring people like that?!”

Killua was so angry that he forgot about the danger posed from the monster he just suddenly smacked.

“T-That…hurts!” Instead of a scary monster with large teeth or mysterious powers like slender man and stuff, what crouched before him was a kid. It was a kid that looked to be around his age with dark freckled skin and black spiky hair. He clearly wasn’t from around here since his skin was kissed by the sun.

“What are you…?” he asked, but the kid just smiled at him and held out his hand. Once again, Killua repeated himself. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh…are you Killua?” The kid asked, putting his hand down.

 _Tick tick tick_. Even as the seconds went passed, Killua never once broke eye contact, his sapphire eyes boring into the other’s amber ones. The kid continued to hold eye contact as well, waiting for Killua to finally invite him inside.

Finally Killua nodded after he processed everything. He stepped aside, inviting the boy into his room.

“Phew,” the kid jumped inside and looked around with eyes wide with awe. “I wasn’t sure if I had the right house or not since you wouldn’t open the window. Wow…Your room is really nice, Killua!”

“Thanks…” Killua trailed off, waiting for the kid to finally introduce himself. He huffed loudly, his patience disappearing after a few seconds. “So who are you?”

“Ah!” The kid exclaimed loudly, turning around to cover his face in shame.

Killua sat on his bed, trying to look cool when in reality he used all his energy getting scared by the kid in front of him.

Wide amber eyes that matched a sheepish smile and reddened cheeks finally peeked from the spaces left between his spread fingers. “I’m Gon,” he paused. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Killua!”

“Likewise, Gon,” Killua mumbled his name a few times. He never heard the name Gon before but that wasn’t the only thing that struck him as odd. The name felt familiar, but he couldn’t remember why. It was as though the memory was clearly written on a note that he put into a bottle for safe keeping. But it was somehow thrown into the ocean. And whenever he reached for it, it was pulled back into the ocean’s hold.  He shook his head, brushing the thought away before finally clearing his throat and crossing his arms.

“Hey…Gon?”

“Yes?”

He pointed at him accusingly. “Are you the one that’s been tapping my window this whole time?”

Gon’s face burned aflame as he shuffled his feet. “Y-Yeah…”

“Even the times when I was asleep…?” Killua asked.

Once again, Gon nodded. His gaze was now towards the floor. He noticed that Killua was in the middle of the bed with his legs stretched out. There was no way he’d let him sit next to him with that body language.

“So…it’s been you this entire time,” Killua sighed, finally inching more towards the side. “I thought it was a monster or something.”

“I-I’m so sorry!” Gon shouted. He fell to the floor on the right side of the bed, kneeling before Killua. “I can’t come over whenever your guardian is home. Or well, whenever she’s awake. So I’ve been trying to get your attention when she’s not here, but I kept running away until you actually checked.”

“What about the handprints though? Whenever I brought it up to my aunt she thought I was messing with her.”

Gon looked away awkwardly, “Well that’s…I didn’t want to get caught so I…erased the handprints whenever I thought someone else was coming.”

Killua scrunched up his nose in confusion. “You could see through the curtains? I always have them closed.”

“Aha I could hear you guys talking and could tell when someone was walking towards the window. I have pretty good ears.”

Curious, Killua sat up a little bit, his legs crossed slightly. He thought that Gon’s explanations were weird, but he shrugged it off. He decided to continue the subject. “Why can’t you visit when she’s around?”

“W-Well…I was told not to visit since you’re too weak to go outside—Ah!” He covered his mouth once he heard his own words. “I didn’t mean it that way—I’m so sorry, Killua!”

Killua leaned back with a slight grin. “I get that all the time so no worries Gon.”

The two glanced at each other, mirroring the other’s expression. Their cheeks slowly tinged with pink hues as their smiles widened. They were becoming comfortable in each other’s presence. It was as though the two had a deep bond or something. Like it wasn’t their first time meeting.

“My mom told me to leave you alone since she thinks I’m too hyper and will tire you out. If your aunt sees me, she’ll tell my mom and I won’t ever get to play with you again.”

“Hmm…” Killua tapped his chin in thought. “Guess you’re my secret for now.”

The two grinned from ear to ear and Killua finally let him onto his bed. Killua asked Gon to grab his laptop from the desk next to his bed so the two could chat and tell their life story while watching some videos. Having Gon over was different, but he got used to him quickly. He told him about the games that would be coming out soon, since Gon seemed dumbfounded by his 3DS and PS4. It didn’t seem like he knew much about the new game systems, but he had a feeling that Gon didn’t even know the ones that came out before either. He even told him about the homework he still needed to do and Gon’s eyes appeared to swirl at all the math worksheets he showed him. It was fun and the two laughed a lot until it was time for Gon to leave.

 

**-x-x-**

 

Once Killua’s aunt returned from work, Gon quickly slipped out the same window. His aunt came into his room to check on him and was surprised to even see him up. Normally he would have taken his afternoon nap, she thought, but she shrugged it off. “Do you think you can come down to eat? I can bring it up if you want.”

“Nah, it’s okay aunty! I’ll meet you after I wash up.” Killua was fine enough to walk downstairs for dinner, but was told to sit down on the couch while she prepared the meal. He wanted to argue that he had the ability to help around, but knew that she would shush him. So Killua just watched TV with a pout.

As Killua flipped the channels, he couldn’t help but think of the new neighbor and their day together. It must have been normal for him, but to Killua that was the most contact he had with someone his age.

Those same thoughts continued, even when his aunt handed him a plate with sandwiches on them. It was a light dinner since she told him he could have ice cream afterwards if his stomach was up to it. The two sat side by side as they watched TV, feeling it was more personal than trying to have a conversation across a dinner table.

After the two ate, Killua helped with washing the dishes, but he couldn’t put them back into the cabinets since he was too short to reach the shelves. Instead, he was told to eat dessert while his aunty tidied up.

While Killua hung out downstairs, watching TV and eating ice cream, his aunty decided to surprise him with cozy blankets. It was his favorite way to go to bed, especially on nights when he’d have trouble sleeping. One telling sign was when Killua would stare absentmindedly at the TV, not noticing his surroundings.

With the utmost care, she held the blankets high above Killua’s head, waiting for him to look up and see that he’s being tricked. But the bottom of the blankets hovered only inches away from the tips of his hair, and the boy didn’t move an inch. Instead of a dirty surprise attack, she decided to kiss his forehead, giving him time to react before she dropped the heavy load onto his lap.

“Ah!!!” Killua jumped up in shock, and the mountain of warm, fluffy goodness cascaded onto the dusty wooden floor, earning him a hearty slap on the back as his aunty scrambled to pick them up before they could be dirtied further.

“Maybe you shouldn’t get to sleep with blankets tonight.” She frowned but then her eyes twinkled with a malicious thought. “I heard it’s going to dip really down in temperature tonight. You’ll be shivering like a wet cat.”

At this point, Killua couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. Surely she was, since he’d definitely catch a cold if he didn’t have his thick blankets to keep him warm. Before he could argue, she was already heading towards the stairs. “Aunty!!”

It wasn’t a fair game as Killua got to his bedroom seconds after her. Despite his shameful loss, she ushered him to his dresser so he could change into pajamas. Afterwards, she tucked him into bed, making him grumble about her messing with his hair. He countered with a goodnight kiss and wiggled into place. He then pulled the covers over his nose and inhaled the scent with a soft sigh. The fresh sheets smelled of warm vanilla like those cookies he loved to dip in milk. If only his sheets could smell of chocolate chip cookies and rich brownies.

Killua wasn’t sure what time it was but when he finally fell asleep, he dreamed of the afternoon he had with Gon. Killua rolled over onto his stomach, the pillow muffling his smile. For once in a long time, he felt like a kid again. Not a kid with multiple health problems that restricted his mobility.

As his mind wandered, Killua once again heard the voice from the night before. A voice he once thought belonged to a monster now left a smile on his sleeping face. He finally knew who the voice belonged to! It belonged to Gon and he couldn’t be happier.

“ _My name is Gon! It’s nice to finally meet you, Killua!”_

It felt too good to be true. Now that all the games had ended and Gon was no longer there, he had to wonder if he was just imagining things. He yearned for a friend so much, and one just happened to land in front of his window. There was no way in hell he could be so lucky. To meet someone as bright and happy as Gon, it’s like he used up all of his good fortune and only bad things could happen from now on.

Maybe Gon wasn’t actually real like he thought he was. Maybe he’s just a figment of his wild and lonely imagination. Maybe…maybe Gon was just an imaginary friend.

“Killua, wake up already!”

Gon’s voice called out to him and it took a while for it to register in his mind. Killua slowly opened his eyes, blinking a couple of times as his eyes adjusted to the dark. “…Gon?”

“Yeah…?”

Killua sat up quickly. His palms were sweaty and his heartbeat was as fast as a humming bird’s wings. Gon sat on the edge of his bed, the sunrise softly illuminating behind him. In that moment Killua’s breath hitched. Gon was ethereal. Hesitantly, Killua crawled over to Gon and poked his nose, a mix of emotions flitting across his face. How can such a beautiful being be real? He still couldn’t tell.

Despite being confused, Gon smiled brightly.

“Gon…” Killua trailed off, wanting to tackle him just to clarify he was real, but pinched his cheeks instead. He kneaded Gon’s cheeks as if they were fresh pizza dough. They were soft and warm, squishy too. The relief spread through him like a calming stream. Gon was sitting in front of him. _He’s real._

“What’s wrong, Killua?” Gon asked, nursing his aching cheeks.

Killua bit back a smile and shook his head. “It’s nothing but what are you doing here at…7 A.M.?”

Gon smiled sheepishly, a weird habit that was now becoming a trend. “W-Well I don’t have school and both of our guardians are at work so I decided to keep you company!”

“So in other words…You’re bored, huh?” He didn’t want to say it, but he was grateful that Gon was bored. He’d hate to be stuck in bed all day _and_ be alone, like usual. It was currently a Friday, but Killua recalled it being a holiday so Gon’s school must have been off. Luckily, he already finished the homework his aunt gave him.

“Yup!” Gon grinned, falling back onto the bed with a sigh. He rolled over onto his stomach and looked around the room. “Your room is so nice, Killua. It’s a lot cooler than mine and you even have a ton of books!”

Killua leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms. “Well, you tend to gather a collection when you’re locked up in your room all day.”

Gon looked at him, confused. “You’re locked up?”

The expression on Killua’s face was unreadable for a second. Different emotions flashed across his face. Surprise, confusion, anger, and sadness. Even a bit of envy shown through those blue eyes of his. They frosted over as he thought of his answer. “I love my aunt but she’s barely ever home. I know that she works at the hospital, taking care of the other sick kids like me. She spends most of the day there since she’s one of the most sought out nurses, so I don’t see her until it gets dark...”

“Do you ever get lonely?” Gon asked.

“I do, but I don’t want to make her worry. So I smile and say that I’m fine. But she doesn’t know how easy it is for me to lie.” Killua’s lips twitched, transforming into a frown.

The two didn’t speak after Killua blurted out those words. It was hard for him. He was finally opening up about the feelings he buried deep inside his chest, and it’s to a kid he’s only known for a day.

Gon rolled over again, eyes glued to the ceiling. He didn’t utter a word. Instead, he let Killua complain as much as he wanted.

“Y-You don’t know how it feels to be adopted. To already be abandoned by your _real_ family and by your adopted mom. Stuck here in this _stupid_ attic,” Killua groaned.

“No one my age ever comes over. The only one who does is my caretaker that comes to feed me every meal and make sure I’m not a mess on the floor. My aunty would have a heart attack if she saw me asleep on the floor again.”

Gon listened on; his eyes were dark and unreadable.

“If I stray from the house for too long, I end up falling down because of something stupid, and can’t get back up without help. The last time I was able to leave the house, I immediately coughed up blood. It’s so bad, I’m sure the neighborhood kids have never seen me without a bloody handkerchief. My aunty forbade me from going anywhere for a while after that.” He laughed, “She must’ve heard complaints from the neighbors.”

“It’s all so stupid. I can’t have friends because I can barely leave my room. I don’t even know how to ride a bike.” Killua sighed, gazing at the glow in the dark stars he nearly broke an arm for putting on the ceiling. “I just want to go on adventures.”

Gon’s lips opened slightly at the mention of adventures, but still remained silent.

“I want to feel alive for once and not a burden. I want to…travel and do great things, meet even greater people.” Killua’s voice was wistful and full of sorrow. The tears were spilling down his cheeks and he was glad that Gon wasn’t looking. He’d hate to feel more pathetic than he already was. “I want to go on quests and fight monsters that no one else could beat! I want to be the protagonist I read about in books. I wanna set out on adventures with nothing but the clothes on my back and a bike or something. Like in Pokémon…or well…I don’t know I’m not really picky.”

In his mind, Killua silently thanked Gon. He was finally able to rant for a change. “I just…want to give her a reason to be proud of me. Maybe then she wouldn’t have that sad smile on her face when she thinks I’m not looking. It’s…the only wish I have.”

After a long pause, Gon whispered, “I do understand, Killua.”

“What…?”

Gon nodded with a tiny smile. “I’m adopted too. My dad abandoned me and left me in my aunty’s care, so I know what it’s like to grow up with a single parent. But even though we grew up under different circumstances, I know your aunt loves you unconditionally. From what I’ve seen, that’s just the kind of person she is.”

Killua was unconvinced.

“But you don’t even know her—!”

Killua was cut off by the look in Gon’s eyes. His piercing gaze made him want to look away, but he couldn’t. If the two had been standing, Killua would be cornered by Gon from that gaze alone.

“I don’t, but if you talk to her then I know she’ll listen, Killua.”

The change to the serious tone in Gon’s voice immediately threw Killua off. But before he could ask what he meant by that, Gon’s voice returned to its cheerfulness as a genuine smile brightened his face, showing his dimples. “Until then, you have me! I promise.”

“You...promise?” Killua watched him expectedly.

“I would never lie to you, Killua. I’ll always be here for you.”

“Are you lying?”

“I have no reason to lie to you like the adults around you, Killua. We’re the same age after all!”

“…We are?” Killua asked in disbelief, sitting up even more than before. He wiped his face as Gon’s smile grew brighter, his words were confusing and before he could fully comprehend them, the subject changed and he forgot all about the odd feeling he kept getting.

That Gon would keep his promise. “When’s your birthday?”

“When’s yours?” Gon asked in return without missing a beat. He tried to hide his grin, but it didn’t take long for him to figure Killua out.

Killua squinted at him, resisting the urge to kick him off the edge of the bed. The loud thump wouldn’t be heard by anyone, but it wasn’t worth him becoming injured. “I asked you first, little boy.”

“Little boy—?” Gon gasped loudly. “Just because I’m shorter than you doesn’t make me a little boy, Killua!”

“Oh yeah…? Then prove it!” Killua grinned and then nudged him with his big toe. “If I’m older then I win in both age and height. So, when were you born, Gon?”

“I’ll grow taller eventually!” Gon poked Killua back, avoiding the question.

With that remark, Killua huffed loudly and turned away. There wasn’t much he could say to argue against him. Just that little back and forth between them was enough insight on what type of person Gon was. He was clearly the stubborn type who spurts out dumb answers. He’d somehow twist the conversation in his favor, tricking him into thinking his train of thought isn’t full of holes after all. He wasn’t going to fall for his babbling anytime soon! “Whatever! Whoever is older wins overall!”

“Fine then!” Gon countered. “When were you born, huh, Killua?”

Killua puffed out his chest, trying to look more intimidating. Well, at least more than a 5’2” frail kid with wavy white locks could look. He was sure that Gon’s spiky hair added at least two inches to his height. “My birthday is July 7th, what’s yours?”

“Mine is May 5rd…” Gon trailed off as he tried to calculate the math in his head, his eyebrows knitted together and his tongue sticking out slightly.

“You’re older than me by two months,” Killua whispered, realizing mid-sentence that he could have waited a while for Gon to figure that out himself. He hung his head in shame as the other jumped up and down on the bed in triumph. Oh, what shame he brought to himself.

“Hurray!” Gon exclaimed, raising his hands in the air. He jumped off the bed and danced around the room, a huge dorky grin on his face. “I’m older than you~! I’m older than the great Killua~!”

“G-Great?” Killua stuttered. It was the first time someone that wasn’t family called him great. Why would they when there was nothing great about him? “I’m not great.”

Gon stopped in his tracks. He practically flew to the bed so that he sat in front of Killua who now tried to distract himself with forming images with his finger in the wallpaper. “You are great, Killua!”

“S-Shut it,” Killua cleared his throat and grabbed the closest book to distract himself. The look on Gon’s face was earnest. He truly meant what he said and he had to suppress the shiver that ran down his spine. “A-Anyway, what do you wanna do since you’re here?”

“Hmm,” Gon tilted his head back and forth in thought before snatching the book out of Killua’s hands. “What’s this book about?”

Killua squinted at Gon and fell onto the bed, closing his eyes as if recalling a distant memory. “Oh, that one…? It’s about a guy who turns out to be a wizard and stuff. I’ve read it a ton.”

“Ah,” Gon dropped the book on the floor and lied back on the bed beside Killua. “That bored?”

“Mhmm. I’ve read pretty much every book in my room.” Killua sighed. “I want something new! Usually my caretaker comes over with new books for me to read, but that won’t be ‘til later.”

Luckily his caretaker only came over three times a day at most. It was usually just to give him his meals if his aunty wouldn’t be coming home anytime soon. She was barely around when he heard the tapping from Gon as well, but he already explained that he never did it when someone else was around. Gon really had everything figured out.

Gon contemplated for a few seconds before stretching, crossing his arms behind his head. “I could tell you a story,” he offered. The corners of his lips tilted upwards but his eyes were aloof.

Killua glanced at Gon who looked comfortable on his bed. A little _too_ comfortable, as though it was normal for him to lay there. “You didn’t bring anything with you though.”

“I don’t need a book, silly. I can remember everything without it—though I can’t tell you about it until your aunty goes to bed tonight.”

“Huh, why not…?” Killua asked, curious.

“It’s a super-secret story that no adults can know! I’d hate for her to listen in. It’d be the worse crime I could ever commit. It’s also really long, so you gotta wait, Killua!”

“Hmmm,” Killua raised his eyebrows slightly, tapping his chin. “Deal. I guess I can wait but she doesn’t go to bed until 7 P.M. I don’t know if I can wait that long.”

Gon rolled his eyes, “You can wait for like 11 hours can’t you? I have to go back home whenever she’s there. I gotta make sure my mom doesn’t catch me sneaking off to your place. Who knows what kind of punishment she’ll give me for going behind her back…I’ll come back before you know it, okay?”

“…Alright.”

For the next few hours, the two played video games, watched movies, and even drew some things. Every time Killua’s caretaker came over, Gon was a few steps ahead of them and was out of the room five minutes before.

 

**-x-x-**


	3. Super-Secret Story

**~~-x-x-~~ ** ~~~~

Every few nights, Gon would visit him and it became a regular thing between them. He started to look forward to the nights his aunt would sleep early, just so he would have more time to spend with his best friend.

Once night fell and the house was dark and quiet, Gon almost knocked on the window but with a soft push, it screeched open. “Killua…?”

“Shh! Hurry up, Gon. You’re letting all the cold inside,” Killua scolded him, his voice barely above a whisper.

Gon apologized quietly, closing the window as carefully as he could. They were so focused on trying to stop the screeching that they didn’t hear the footsteps heading towards the door.

The rattling of the knob made them both freeze and the two children glanced at each other in panic.

“Killua? What’s that noise? Who are you talking to?” His aunty asked, already peeking through the gap as she opened the door.

“Uhh…” Killua turned towards the window which was now closed shut and Gon was nowhere in sight. “No one! I was talking to no one. Ahaha…”

She entered the room and looked at him weirdly before chuckling at his silliness. “Go to bed little mister! You need your rest.”

 “Yes, Aunty,” Killua replied automatically. He pulled the covers up over his chest and turned the other way, hoping that she wouldn’t try to give him another kiss goodnight. He wasn’t sure where Gon was, but if he was in the room, he didn’t want him to be found with her around.

“Oh, Killua…?” She asked, turning back around so she could look into his room.

Worry filled him and he counted down the seconds after his reply. “Yes…?”

“If you’re hiding a cat somewhere, you better return it.”

“Huh, why would I be hiding a cat?” He asked.

“Don’t you remember what happened last time?”

“...Yeah…” He had no idea what she was talking about. He nestled his head into one of his pillows. “Goodnight, Aunty. I love you.”

“I love you more, Killua.” She whispered before closing the door.

The click of the door signaled a wave of relief to wash over him. Two sighs sounded in the room and Killua whipped his head up in surprise, remembering that Gon was the cat he was supposedly hiding. He looked around the room, but there was no one else there. He then looked over the edge of the bed.

 “…Gon?”

“Yes?” Gon replied, sliding out from underneath the bed.

“Gah!” Killua jumped a little. “Don’t scare me like that!”

A smile spread across Gon’s face. He stuck his tongue out slightly before exclaiming, “Sorry, Killua!”

“You don’t look sorry at all,” Killua rolled his eyes. “Come up here already and tell me that super-secret story.”

It was as though a light bulb turned on in Gon’s head, “Ah! Oops I forgot all about it.” He rubbed his sore nose after Killua flicked it.

“Gon…” Killua pouted.

“I understand so don’t give me that look!” Gon sighed and sat on the bed, cross-legged. “What I’m about to tell you has to stay between us, okay?”

Killua nodded eagerly. He didn’t understand why Gon would have to say it in the first place since who else would he tell? But he agreed anyway.

Once Gon started, Killua was hooked and couldn’t look away. The boy’s story was unique, unlike anything he ever heard of before. He animatedly told it using facial expressions that accurately depicted the character’s emotions. His hands moved while he spoke, sometimes using exaggerated movements to describe the same scenery the characters saw. While his hands moved, his voice surrounded him with everything else, making it so that he felt he was there, experiencing it for himself.

Gon spoke of a fishing island that was shaped like a whale where the main character was raised with his aunt and grandma. When the boy turned twelve, he left for an adventure, unaware of all the incredible things he would experience in the near future.

Killua could almost picture everything in his head. The rare and weird monsters the main character faced, the peculiar personalities and abilities the characters had-- the landscapes! He could practically feel the ocean breeze of the island the main character grew up in.

At first, Killua thought the boy was supposed to be him, since he also had an aunty and was his age. His thirst for an adventure was also similar, but as the story unfolded, he was positive the protagonist was not like him at all.

The protagonist was kind and a bit gullible. He befriended pretty much everyone he met, even those who were clearly bad people. He was even able to befriend another kid who also sounded familiar, a kid who had a dangerous past and a really salty attitude. Killua preferred the main character more and was quickly suspicious of the friend’s true intentions. Then Gon told him about how the friend killed innocent people after the game of ball with Netero.

“I don’t like him,” Killua pouted.

Gon rolled his eyes as he sat on the rug, his back against the bed. “How can you hate him when I haven’t even gotten that far into the story, huh?”

“He’s a killer! He’s done bad things,” Killua argued, his voice returning to a whisper as he heard a snore from below.

“A lot of people in the story have killed, Killua! What matters is that he becomes better and if you let me finish, then maybe you will like him more.”

The urge to roll his eyes was strong. “Why are you defending him so much?”

“Because he’s my favorite!”

In that moment, Killua wasn’t sure whether he wanted to thank the guy or punch him—not that he could do any of that to a fictional character. But not once had he seen such a bright smile on Gon’s face. All the other smiles were fleeting, barely ever reaching those warm eyes of his. This one, on the other hand, could melt a frozen heart. If he didn’t know any better, he’d assume that he was in love with the character. Killua hated himself just for having that thought alone. There was no reason for him to feel envy towards a fictional character, over Gon no less.

Gon took Killua’s silence as a signal for him to continue the story. As he went on, Gon placed more emphasis on the two boys and their bond, on how it became stronger the more time they spent together. The two went to distant lands, having the best time of their lives. They went from strangers to friends to best friends in the span of months. No matter what obstacles stood in their way, they faced it together. But the two lived dangerously, and this worsened as their powers grew.

Right when Gon was about to dig deeper into the part concerning a game called Greed Island, Gon stopped talking. The silence from the usually chipper boy made Killua uneasy.

“You okay, Gon?” Killua asked.

Gon had stopped midsentence, his eyes focused on the door. As if he was waiting for something, a sound perhaps. Eyes closed, he listened.

“Gon—”

Without another word, Gon jumped off of the bed and sprinted towards the circular window with stealth Killua didn’t know was even possible.

Gon didn’t reply until he was sitting outside on the closest branch of the oak tree. “Sorry, Killua but I gotta go now. I’ll continue my story next time, okay?”

Before Killua could reply with a dejected ‘okay,’ he disappeared. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that he heard the footsteps down the hall. It was his aunty. It was odd for her to check on him this late and that put him on edge.

“Did you say something, Killua?” She asked, her eyes looking tired. She looked around the room without trying to be obvious, though Killua could tell by the crinkling of her nose. “It sounds like you we’re talking to someone.”

“No, you can go back to sleep now Aunty! Thanks for checking up on me.”

She smiled and sighed in relief. It worried her to leave Killua for long periods of time. She walked into the room to kiss his cheek and gave him a warm hug. “I love you, Killua. Sleep well.”

“I love you too, goodnight!”

Killua couldn’t help but think that Gon’s timing was odd. How did he notice she was coming upstairs? He must have good ears or something.

The morning after Gon left, Killua realized he could stand with minimal pain. He looked forward to doing even more exciting things with Gon today! The two of them could go outside, maybe just to play in the backyard or something. There was also a park that he hadn’t visited since he was five just a couple of blocks away. He’d love to go down the slides or to play on the swings. Getting to push Gon back and forth on the swings would be fun. He dreamed about hanging out like that with a friend.

Or maybe they could sit on one of the tree branches and watch the sun set below the horizon. Gon could still continue the story while the breeze brushed against their skin. The leaves would dance around them as the sky turned from bright blue to orange and then darken to night. At least, that’s what he imagined in his head.

Killua was almost giddy at the thought. He wanted to share his own theories about what would happen next in Gon’s story, but that opportunity never came. Gon didn’t show up that night.

 

**-x-x-**


	4. Promises

Days turned into a week, a week turned into two, and soon a month came to pass.

The hands of the clock had become so quiet while Gon was there, but now they echoed like a bomb wired to his sanity. It felt so long since such loneliness made him miss someone as much as he missed Gon. The thought that everything that had transpired between him and Gon was all just a dream, didn’t seem crazy at all. Ironic, but it would make a lot of sense.

Gon filled up a bigger space than he thought. Now he couldn’t figure out how to replace those moments he’s grown to cherish.

After Gon left, Killua could move around with ease. At one point he was well enough to go out for some fresh air, though the farthest he could go was to the backyard.

The brown fence was too tall for Killua to peek over, even with the small step ladder used to cut the rose bushes next to the house. He wanted to see Gon’s house for himself but he couldn’t leave the yard…

As Killua thought of what to do, he heard a meow from above him. On a branch of the oak tree, a black cat was there, watching him.

“What are you doing up there, kitty?”

The cat answered back with a soft noise.

“How about you come down?”

It was near the edge and Killua watched the cat’s tail moved back and forth. In reply, the kitty cried loudly, refusing to move.

“Do you want me to come up there?” He asked, and in return, the cat purred. Killua never climbed a tree before but there was no better time than the present. The climb was a struggle for him but all he could think of was helping the cat and that maybe, when he met Gon again, he could brag about his bravery.

As he climbed higher and higher, he became aware of just how tall the old oak tree was. To think that Gon climbed it just to see him, the thought was so touching that he nearly lost his balance. Thankfully, the cat cried out to him and he hurried his pace.

Finally, Killua climbed up the tree to where the cat was resting, its tail never staying in one place. The cat brushed against his leg and Killua leaned down to pick it up, but stopped with his mouth slightly opened. The view of the vast sky was something he hadn’t seen for a long time. He’d gotten so used to seeing the wooden ceiling, only seeing the sky through the windows. The beauty of it all nearly passed him by, but now he could see it all.

On the left of him was a tan house with a blue roof. The house on the right had a white exterior and a red roof. The white one looked familiar and he recalled that the owners are a middle aged couple whose children were all grown up. If Gon lived next door, it’d have to be the tan house. He searched for any sign of children. All he could see was a colorful backyard littered with different types of toys. Next to the back sliding door, there were a bunch of pots covered with multicolored handprints of varying sizes. Against the wall of the house, a few used scooters, rollerblades, and even a skateboard were lined up in a neat row.  He could also see a couple of bicycles. There was a deep emerald one that would fit Gon perfectly, while there were a couple more that looked new but too small for the twelve year old. Some of the smaller toys included a colorful bunch of big building blocks, a blanket with teacups on it, a Barbie car, and a few toy trains. Gon never told him he had siblings.

The silence from the cat caused him to worry. He climbed up there for the cat so it’d be worthless if he didn’t save it. Yet when he crouched down to pick up the kitty, all he grabbed was thin air. The cat had disappeared and there was no sign of it anywhere.

In his confusion, Killua lost his balance as the branch snapped beneath him. The sickening sound of his body slapping the concrete rang in his ears. It was loud enough for his aunty to hear and she came running.

“K-Killua…? Killua, are you okay?!” The blood drained from her face, her skin was pale now. “Killua, don’t fall asleep on me please!”

“Aunty…?” Killua replied weakly.

“Killua, what were you doing? What happened?” She asked.

Killua tried to speak but it felt like his lips weren’t moving like he wanted them to. His mind was sluggish and his body ached, telling him to just close his eyes and sleep the pain away. “I tried to…save a cat.”

“A cat…?” She smiled despite the tears that fell. “Cats can get down on their own, silly.”

“Hey…Aunty…?” Killua called weakly. “Do you know…who lives…in the tan colored house?”

His aunty nodded in acknowledgement, “A young family lives there and they have a few kids. None of them are older than 10.”

Killua closed his eyes. _He’s not our neighbor...so that was a lie after all_.

As he drifted off to sleep, the sound of his aunty’s panic-filled voice became distant, his vision fading to black. It had been so long since Gon visited that he was already beginning to forget his scent and the sound of his laughter. He wished to see him again, at least to find the answers to the questions that would give him some peace of mind.

That was his last thought before he was completely engulfed by the abyss.

 

**-x-x-**

 

_“Killua, wake up. Killua...”_

Through the darkness, a voice called out to him. It was full of worry and it made his heart ache a little. “Gon…?”

“Gon…? Who’s that, Killua?”

Killua opened his eyes only to find his concerned aunt sitting beside his bed. The white sheets were blinding to him, everything in the room hurt his eyes. The whiteness was a stark contrast to the darkness he had gotten used to.

The confused look on her face never went away even as Killua tried to remember what happened. The last thing he remembered was surveying Gon’s backyard, but the rest after that was still fuzzy. As he tried to push back the fog clouding his mind, he felt the firm bed below him. It made his back hurt. For most people, winding up in a hospital bed would make them frantic, but for him it was nostalgic. Not that he was fond of it.

“Killua, do you know where we are?” His aunt asked, pulling him back to reality.

“We’re in the hospital…When do I get to go home?” He asked. When he tried to move, a weight restricted his movements. When he looked down, the shirt he was wearing was such a bright white that it made his stomach flip. “I want to go home.”

“We can go home after the doctor checks you out. You remember Dr. Paladknight, right?”

Killua nodded, “He was my doctor last time wasn’t he?”

“Yes!” She nodded, happy he remembered. “It’s his day off but he came in specifically for you.”

Although she didn’t say it, Killua knew why it was specifically that doctor who came in. He knew that Dr. Paladknight used to be an adult doctor exclusively. But after he was assigned to Killua’s case by chance, he devoted himself until he became a pediatrician. And since then, he quickly became the hospital’s number one pediatrician and earned numerous awards for his compassion and skill

However when Dr. Paladknight came in, he wasn’t alone. Beside him was a blond doctor that looked kind, but Killua could tell he was a force that could instill fear.

“Hello, Killua. I think you remember me, my name is Leorio Paladknight, but you can call me Leorio.” Leorio shook Killua’s hand and smiled for a second, his expression returning to a stoic one. “This is a colleague of mine, Kurapika Kurta.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Killua. You can call me Kurapika.”

“It’s nice to meet you too…” Killua looked them up and down and clutched the bed cover underneath the sheet with his free hand.

Leorio and Kurapika looked at his chart and whispered in each other’s ears before Leorio finally cleared his throat. “I have some…news.”

“Give me the bad news first,” Killua replied quickly.

“Killua! Don’t be rude,” his aunt lightly scolded.

“Well,” Kurapika looked at the charts with a frown, “falling from such a height has put a strain on his heart. From what I’ve seen, his heart was healthy for a long time, but lately it’s been overworking itself.” Kurapika looked back at Killua. “Now with your injury, we’re worried that you might go into arrest if we excite you too much. As long as you rest, your heart won’t react badly. That way we won’t have to move you anytime soon.”

“So, what’s the good news?”

Leorio scratched his head; Killua was certainly straight to the point. “Dr. Kurapika here is a surgeon that excels in cardiology and your insurance says they will cover everything and we can start as soon as your leg heals. There’s a good chance things will go well and if it does, Killua will finally be able to play like any child his age.”

The two doctors looked at each other and nodded. “The thing is…I’m afraid we found something wrong with Killua’s heart and we strongly suggest that he has surgery after his leg heals.”

“But shouldn’t he have the surgery as soon as possible?” Killua’s aunt asked worriedly.

“Yes, but we don’t want to put a strain on his heart. Once his leg is healed, we will have the heart surgery,” Kurapika nodded. “He will have a full recovery upon the success of the heart operation.”

“Isn’t that great, Killua?” The relief in his aunt’s eyes was apparent and she smiled at him, squeezing his arm. “They say you will have a full recovery.”

“Yeah…” Killua smiled lightly, but inside he was still worried. They say the chance of success is high but they never once mentioned the percentage of their certainty. He refused to blindly believe a doctor when it comes to his health; they always liked to sugar coat their words. He hated it, giving his aunty false hope. But for her, he gritted his teeth and bit his tongue. False hope is better than despair and he’d hate to see his aunty cry. Not again.

So during his stay at the hospital, he endured the speeches the two doctors gave about him needing to be careful with his leg and blah blah blah. Killua waited patiently until he could go home.

 

**-x-x-**

 

It was dark. So dark that the only light in his bedroom was from the moon that hovered in the sky above, its light shining through his window. With the cast strapped around his leg, enough time has passed that Killua was able to leave the hospital to heal at home. In a few months, they will follow through with the surgery and then he can move around freely.

Despite the pain he was in, Killua was able to ignore it. That level of pain was a walk in the park, which was ironic. It had been years since the last time he got to walk down the street, much less an actual park.

It took longer than he thought, but his aunt was able to assure both Kurapika and Leorio that he would be able to handle staying home instead of the hospital. For once, he didn’t have to talk her ear off; she automatically made the request without him having to say anything after a few days. Maybe she knew that he wanted to go home.

In reality, Killua had wanted to go home to test his theory about Gon. He realized that there were two conditions for Gon to visit him. First, he had to be alone without there being a chance for someone to enter his room. Second, it had to be on days when he didn’t have enough strength to move around freely. He always thought it was odd. He wanted to look out the window with Gon, pointing out the different people passing along the streets or to play tag in the backyard like the normal children he envied.

When he thought that Gon had a family other than his adopted mother, he was delighted. To hear stories of Gon’s family full of energetic children that would see him as a role model...to have the life he always wanted so that he wouldn’t need to live alone. He wanted Gon to live on the side where the grass is greener, but always avoided his pursuits.

Yet the only stories Gon would tell were the super-secret stories. And for that to happen, it’d only be when it was time to sleep. However, Gon would wait until there was a low chance of interruption, usually when his aunty wouldn’t walk in on them.

Gon’s excuse for running away every time was that his aunty would recognize him and call his mom. But just how much of that was true…? In addition to that, Gon never wants to meet anyone he knows; never coming over or going outside when the neighborhood kids played. Unlike him, Gon is sociable and would definitely be well liked amongst the other kids. So why did he decide to sneak into _his_ room instead? And why...did he suddenly decide to stop his sneaking in completely?

If he continued to stay in the hospital, he might never get to see him again. He was still angry about Gon leaving without notice. He thought Gon was only going to leave for a couple of hours and return, but it’s been too long. Gon said he would always be there for him. Yet now that he needs him, Gon’s nowhere to be found. Killua just wanted to see Gon again...to finally know the truth. With closed eyes, he waited for his aunt to fall asleep and counted the minutes until his guest arrived. That is, if Gon truly cared about him, he would at least check up on his condition.

Before long, the latch on his window turned and soft taps on his floor alerted him to Gon’s presence. He waited for him to speak, to try to see if he was awake, but no words were spoken. All he felt was a hand, brushing the hair away from his face and hearing a choked sob.

That was when Killua realized that it was the first time Gon had ever touched him, but he didn’t want it. Not under these conditions. Not when he wasn’t supposed to know about it. He wanted it to happen while he’s awake, face to face. To touch Gon’s face. To touch Gon. _All he wanted was_ _to touch Gon_.

“Gon.” Killua murmured, shocking the other whose hand was now stuck in midair. He watched as Gon turned around, wiping the hidden tears away from his face.

“Killua,” Gon smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It was the same kind of smile that his aunt always wore, a garment that hides their inner turmoil. “I’m glad to see you out of the hospital! What happened?”

“Oh, nothing really…Just fell outta the tree trying to save a cat,” Killua said, his guard up to catch any inconsistencies in Gon’s words. In reality, it took a couple of days before Killua remembered the cat since he fell pretty hard.

Gon placed his right hand fist onto his left hand, his mouth wide. “Ah! Is it that black cat I sometimes see hanging around your house?”

“Uh...yeah…” He tried to play off his suspicions as he never recalled seeing a black cat hanging around his house even before his accident.

“Wah, she must like you then! She doesn’t always let me pet her or anything. But she has the prettiest blue eyes, just like you, Killua!”

“She…?” Killua didn’t mention their eye color and he never knew the cat was a girl to begin with.

Gon smiled more, “Mhmm! Her black coat is really nice too.”

“…I…never said what her fur color was, Gon. I didn’t mention anything about the cat at all,”     

Gon paused, the smile on his face faltered. It twitched, nearly turning into a frown, but he willed it to stay. “It must be that black one that would always hang in your backyard. I’ve seen that cat around before when I would come visit you. She loves to play tricks on me. She’s really sweet, though.”

“I’ve never seen her while you were visiting, though. I think I’d be able to hear a cat just outside of my window, Gon.”

“Ah, well…” Gon smiled more, his eyes now closed as he leaned back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Maybe you just never noticed, or I could be wrong.”

Slowly, Killua was finding more flaws in Gon’s explanation. He only saw the cat right before he fell and he wouldn’t know of their gender with one glance.  None of his memories of the cat correlated with what Gon was saying. Maybe there was a cat around before then but if there was a memory of it, it was foggy…he preferred not to think about it. “I’d like to meet her one day.”

It was a harmless comment, to show that he wasn’t angry, but the smile on Gon’s face was completely wiped away. It was as if his brain just stopped functioning for a minute. “I’m…sure…she’d like to see you too, Killua.”

“Mhmm…”

The silence between them was unbearable. The tension was high and Killua could barely breathe as his mind raced. There were so many questions that had plagued his mind since he woke up in the hospital and he wanted to get them over with. So that they could move to the news he needed to say.

“Tell me…the truth, Gon.” His voice shook a little, just like his hands. But he knew he got his attention when Gon focused on him. He decided to start off with easy questions. “Do you have any siblings?”

For a while, Gon didn’t say anything, but his eyes searched for something. “…No. I don’t.”

Killua gritted his teeth. “Do you even live next door? Answer me, Gon.”

“Killua…” Gon took a step forward, but Killua shook his head. The silence finally broke and Killua was ready to shout at him if he had to.

“Answer me! Please…” Killua yelled slightly, his voice then turning into a whisper. “Please, Gon.”

Gon bit his bottom lip, wringing his hands in front of him. “I don’t exactly…live next door.”

“Then, where do you live?”

“Somewhere near.” Gon pursed his lips, “…Within walking distance.”

Killua hit his side table, leaving a red mark on his hand, shocking them both. “Stop evading my questions!”

Gon looked away.

Slowly, Killua took a deep breath. “Have you ever met my aunt, Gon?”

“I…Y—,” Gon licked his lips and shifted his gaze passed Killua. His voice trembled as if he wanted to say something else. “…No…I haven’t met _your_ aunt.”

“What do you mean by that?” The way Gon emphasized slightly on the word ‘your’ made him pause, but he shook his head and continued. “You know what, it doesn’t matter.”

“Killua—”

“I mentioned you by accident at the hospital and my aunt never connected the dots. She can remember names and faces well since she’s a nurse—but she couldn’t recall you at all, Gon. That means you lied to me. You don’t have siblings, so you don’t live next door. Your mom probably doesn’t even know my aunty. Has…Has everything been a lie?”

“Not…everything…” He trailed off.

“Not everything?” Killua repeated with a scoff. “Yeah, right. Then what’s the truth, huh, Gon? Everything I know about you—everything that has connected us must be a lie.”

“T-That’s not true! We’re connected by more than just a string of lies, Killua—!”

Killua cut him off, “So you admit that everything’s been a lie then, huh?”

“Y-Yes—,” Gon looked around frantically, as if confused by the words Killua spouted, “But that’s not what’s important—!”

A bitter laugh shook him, draining the color from Gon’s face. “How can our relationship even be real if all you’ve said are lies, Gon? How do I even know that’s your real name? You broke your promise. You _promised_ —.”

“The promise… “ Gon paused, his eyes widening. “Killua, I didn’t mean to—”

“You abandoned me, Gon! You just left me…” Killua’s hands clenched, trying to stop his body from shaking. The way Gon paused...as if he forgot the promise all together. “Like I didn’t...matter to _you_ anymore.”

“Killua—,” Gon took a step towards the bed, his hand reaching out to comfort Killua as a tear slid down his cheek.

“Don’t touch me!” That shout was the last straw and he could hear the hurried footsteps going up the stairs to reach him. He couldn’t look Gon in the eye because he knew if he did; it would haunt him to the end of time. “Gon...I don’t even know if you’re _real_ anymore!” He cried, his voice breaking.

When the door finally opened, he already knew that he was gone.

“Killua, are you okay? I keep hearing you shouting.”

In reply, Killua shook his head with a sad smile. His eyes lingered on his hand that no longer stung, the pain having already faded away. _Was that...not real too?_  “I just had a nightmare, but it’s over now.”

She didn’t look convinced at all, “Are you sure?”

“Yes…” Killua trailed off. “The monster’s gone. I’ll be okay, eventually.”

“Alright…” She wanted to embrace him, to comfort him but something told her not to. She left without another word.

Killua waited for the sound of her door to close before he finally wailed into his pillow. His shoulders hook and his heart ached more than body for once. For days, Killua was plagued with puffy red eyes but his aunt never said a thing. He didn’t even know if she noticed at all, but it was irrelevant.

The monster under his bed left, but he knew the real monster was him for hurting Gon like he did. In his anger, he yelled for Gon to leave. Gon moved closer to him at that time. Maybe it would have been a hug or something? The warmth he yearned for was right in front of him, but he pushed Gon away instead.

For months he never once heard that light tap on his window, he secretly dreaded it and wished for it all the same. He wasn’t sure how he’d approach Gon after all the things he said, but a part of him felt it was for the best. Maybe the two weren’t destined to be friends.

Even as the leaves on the trees turned from green to hues of yellow and the strong winds blew hard against the house, the sounds on his window never happened again. Despite the season only changing to autumn it felt like winter in his cold, empty heart.

 

**-x-x-**


	5. Fairy Tale

Before they knew it, Killua was called in for a follow-up appointment at the hospital. Killua was bored out of his mind being bedridden for a reason besides his illness. He couldn’t even bathe unassisted. For once, he was delighted to have a doctor’s appointment and couldn’t wait for good news.

In a medical room, Killua was brought to a bed so it’d be easier to check his leg. At first it was only a nurse who came in, but soon Leorio came with a laptop in hand that kept all of the patient records. The nurse also had a clipboard with her for data that wasn’t inputted yet.

“Well I don’t know how you did it, but you’ve healed faster than we expected, Killua.” Leorio looked over the chart with Killua’s blood work and results from multiple tests. A few months passed since his fall and they were finally able to remove the cast from his leg.

Killua tilted his head, “Seriously?”

Leorio nodded, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “We expected a few months more of consistent checkups to get ready for your surgery, but I think we can do it this week. Just take medication while we keep an eye on you.”

Kurapika entered the room with red rectangular glasses. Once you get the surgery, you can play like a regular kid and finally leave your room after some rest. Just make sure you don’t overexert yourself, okay?” Kurapika smiled as Killua’s face brightened.

Killua nodded enthusiastically, trying to contain his excitement. He followed his aunty out, tugging on her sleeves to make her move faster. She was going to ask extensive questions but he wanted to go home and celebrate taking off his cast with some chocolate!

The two finally left the hospital, but not before Killua grabbed a chocolate pudding from the café. His aunt warned about his sweet tooth, but she never stopped smiling at him. Killua couldn’t stop smiling either. He was limited to only that one pudding, but he didn’t let it damper his mood.

Even as she opened the car door, Killua’s grin never once faltered. _Now he could tell Gon about everything_. He stopped. His excitement made him forget that he would probably never see Gon again.

“…Killua…?” His aunt turned the key to start the car, but she noticed he didn’t put his seatbelt on and the spoon had slipped out of his mouth a while ago. “Are you okay?”

Killua blinked a few times and then looked up, shaking his head with a small smile. He replied with a “Mhmm” and immediately buckled up. It wasn’t the first time he caught himself thinking that way. Ever since he yelled at Gon, he never once came back. The tapping on the window never happened again and it made him worry.

Killua already regretted it. Yelling at Gon was a mistake, perhaps the biggest mistake of his life. He desperately wanted to find him—to apologize even if it meant groveling at his feet. What if it was the last time they ever saw each other? The way they parted left a bitter taste in his mouth. There was nothing he wouldn’t do just to see Gon again—and as the days passed, that wish grew stronger and stronger.

Later that week, Killua was taken into surgery. It took hours and his aunty was pacing back and forth in the lobby. There was a high risk of complications during and after surgery. As a nurse, she knew about them all too well. When Leorio came out, she collapsed at the good news that everything went better than expected.

Weeks after recovery, Killua could jump and run around to his heart’s content. Leorio and Kurapika made sure to do complete reports on Killua’s case because it went amazingly well.

Recalling the feeling of actually being healthy was going to take some getting used to. Having energy to accomplish tasks, actually wanting to get out of bed and having the ability to do so—it was something he didn’t think would ever happen for as long as he lived. Not that he expected to have a long life in the first place.

At first he didn’t know what to do with such high levels of energy. Should he finally learn how to ride a bike? Maybe try to ride a skateboard? The possibilities were endless but…after thinking about it…doing those things wouldn’t be as fun without someone to enjoy them with.

He knew that if he asked, his aunty would introduce him to the neighborhood kids, but having her ask for him when he’s 12 years old turned his face red. Their first impression of him would be of his aunty asking them to play with him because he’s too shy to ask himself. The horror of such a thought made him squirm.

“I really miss…” He would start to say his name, but for some reason, something stopped him every time. There was a little voice in his head that warned him about his wishes. That if he says them with enough hopefulness, it will come true. Wishing for Gon to appear before him is something the little voice didn’t want. As if he was too dependent on him or something, like Gon would only hold him back.

Something in him knew the voice was right. But a stronger voice cried out, eclipsing the other with desires that could only be filled with Gon by his side.

For one thing, he really wanted to learn more about the story Gon never finished. They got up to the point about Greed Island, and the two best friends were having a great time. But he knew there was something important missing. There was no way the story would be done after that. What about the Spiders? Or would the main character ever meet his dad? What about his mom? There were so many unanswered questions that it was driving him mad.

Luckily, his aunty distracted him with food he could actually stomach before he lost his mind.

After Killua finished a hearty plate of spaghetti, he heard loud thumps from upstairs and left the living room to investigate. A feeling of relief washed over him, maybe Gon knew of his surgery and came for a visit? But that feeling was replaced by despair when he realized that it would never happen. There was also a chance that the cause of the noise is something harmful. Now he just felt fearful. It would have been bad if he immediately ran to his room and yelled “Gon, you dick!”

In the end, he hesitantly ventured upstairs in case it was a burglar or something trying to ransack his room. Still, every fiber of his being hoped it was Gon, despite his visit being less possible than a burglar at this point in time.

Slowly, he opened the door and found the window wide open, the curtains fluttering slightly from the wind.

“I didn’t leave the window open…”

In the corner of his eye, Killua spotted something black. It contrasted to the myriad of colorful books in the corner of his room. It’s black fluffy tail swayed back and forth, large blue eyes that would shine even in the dark stared back at him.

“What are you doing here…?” With caution, Killua inched closer to the strange cat. It didn’t move off of the stack of books even when Killua finally stood in front of it. “I wonder who you belong to…” At least it wasn’t a murderer, but he still wished it was him...

The cat rubbed against Killua’s outstretched hand and he immediately focused on petting her. She purred at his touch and was a lot friendlier than he expected her to be. “You’re the same kitty from before aren’t you? The one I met in the tree.” He asked, earning a “meow” in reply.

She continued to purr under his touch and it brought the biggest smile to his face. It was the first time he remembered ever petting a cat, but it wasn’t as scary as he thought it would be. His aunty was always protective over him when it came to cats, saying something like he was hurt by one when he was younger. He wasn’t sure if she meant physically or emotionally since there was no memory of the incident. Either way, it didn’t really matter since he never had the opportunity to play with one in the first place.

That morning, the skies had been dark from a passing storm and the light sprinkle must have forced her to find shelter. Now the sun shone through the window and the light reflected off the first book that the kitty had been perched on.

A meow brought his attention back. She rolled onto her back, exposing her tummy for his hands.

Carefully, he scratched her stomach, and picked her up. She nestled closer to his chest as he carried her downstairs and out to the front door. Outside was a lot better than he expected as the rain had already stopped and there were only a few puddles on the ground. It should be an okay enough condition for her to walk around without being rained on. He’d hate to put an innocent kitty outside just to get wet and possibly catch a cold.

“Killua? What are you doing?”

“Just going to get the mail!” He replied and then shut the door behind him. Reluctantly, Killua set her on pavement on the other side of the fence. She looked up expectantly, but he could only shake his head. “I can’t keep you, I’m sorry.”

Killua reached down to pet her one last time. Even though she didn’t look to have an owner he couldn’t keep her. His aunty would probably tell him to send her away. He didn’t want to waste time asking, it was easier to just let her go.

He must have been taking too long since his aunty called out to him from the front steps. “Killua, what are you doing by yourself?”

“Huh?” His eyes widened. The kitty must have run off the moment she heard the door open. “Oh…there was a cat here. You must have scared her off.”

She clicked her tongue and urged him back into the house.

With a grin, Killua dodged her flick aimed at his forehead. It was the wrong move, which initiating a game of tickles as she exacted her revenge, ultimately winning when Killua was a lump of giggles on the living room floor.

 

**-x-x-**

 

After dinner, Killua reluctantly marched to his room. Upon entering, the first thing he noticed was that he forgot to close the window. Just as he moved to close it, something flashed in the corner of his eye. He saw a blur of black illuminated by the moonlight and as he stepped forward, his eyes were guided to glinting gold . The first book on the stack stood out as the words on the cover shimmered in the moonbeams. The book itself was a dark green, nothing too eye-catching except for the letters that appeared to have flecks of gold. Warily, Killua picked it up and blew the cat fur off of it. He knew that the book wasn’t his and it only appeared because of his guest earlier. But for a cat to bring it into his room seemed impossible.

It still glittered magnificently when he held it up, the light shining in from the window. On the cover, the large bold letters in a weird script read “Hunter x Hunter.” It was in a good condition and the book looked exactly like a fairy tale story. The binding was done by hand, sturdy and professional. The words were large, possibly aimed at children to lure them into reading it. If he opened the book, he imagined stories about knights saving people in distress, weird creatures—wild adventures that a little boy could only dream of having.

The pages were plenty but the amount of words on each page were kept to simple sentences, the main focus was on the beautiful pictures, crafted with details similar to a painting. He was a little afraid to touch it, the possibility of ruining the pages was almost too much,

Just then, Killua heard a meow, the cat from that afternoon sat before him, as if she was there all along. He was too confused to speak, not that the cat would understand him anyway. Yet as he stared in her bright blue eyes, he was mesmerized. Her eyes were large and deep, as if they held wisdom he couldn’t hope to obtain.

As he stared, the cat moved closer; then nudged the book with her paw.

Killua felt his new companion brush against his arm, urging him to continue. So he did.

_Once upon a time there was a boy who grew up on an island shaped like a whale. As a child, he often entered the forest for fun, but one day he wandered into the bear-fox’s territory. Out of self-defense, the bear-fox attacked him. Before he could be hurt, a man with long silver locks came to his side and killed her, saying that he hated to kill an innocent life. The man claimed to be a hunter, taught by one of the greatest hunters of all time, whom the two didn’t know was actually the child’s father._

_As they spoke, they discovered a cub near the bear-fox that must have been the mother. Despite the cub being angry, the boy eventually gained his trust and the two became friends. The man then told him that the best hunters were well liked by animals, telling him that he could be a hunter one day too._

_There were two paths for him to take: either to live a normal life with his aunty, or become a hunter and travel the world in search of his father._

_When the child turned 12, he finally departed from Whale Island and embarked on a long journey full of many challenges, but he would continue to face them head on with a smile._

With the first sentence alone, Killua knew the story in his hands was the very same story that Gon would recite at night. The boy claimed he didn’t need reading material, but he must have sneaked it in a while ago, probably to save face so he wouldn’t have to admit he forgot how it goes.

As he continued to read, he knew that the words were much simpler than what he remembered. Gon described it with such passion—as if a beautiful painting didn’t do it justice, that he experienced everything for himself.

Now the only difference was that Killua could finally see some of the scenes himself, but it was odd. With such descriptions from both the book and Gon, there’s no way a fairy tale style would suffice. Action packed arcs and jaw dropping sceneries would require a more artsy medium, maybe a comic book or even a manga. A fairy tale or an oral story just wasn’t enough to satisfy his needs.

As he turned the pages, he finally caught up to where Gon left off. The two children were able to participate in the game the main character’s dad created. They trained long and hard, improving in their nen and physical capabilities. In the end, the main character earned every single card and won.

It was such a good end to that chapter but there was more to come. The two friends used a card to find the main’s dad, but instead found the hunter from the beginning. He saved the kids from nearly dying from a dangerous chimera ant hill that he had been studying. He then explained that he was the dad’s pupil and was amazed to know they had met years ago. The man was notified of something from his own group of friends and decided to bring to bring the two children on the mission. They expected to have a fun time.

But then everything changed.

They left expecting to find tiny chimera ants only to learn that there was a queen chimera ant on the loose. From then on they encountered monsters unlike the ones on Greed Island. For these were birthed from the queen and the offspring took on the characteristics of whatever animal she feasted upon. But no amount of food satisfied the queen and she turned her sights to human beings.

Once humans joined the mix, a new, terrifying breed of chimera ants was born. Unlike their animal only siblings, the human chimeras could speak and some had bits of memories from their human life.

Now neither of them could see a light at the end of the tunnel. All they could see was despair.

As the queen continued to consume more humans, her underlings eventually found those with nen abilities and things looked darker than ever before. Nen users were a true delight, giving the queen’s children abilities that rivaled even the strongest humans. The two main characters just had to encounter the new ants, but were saved by the skilled man! Their relief didn’t last long as they encountered one of the most skilled chimera ants born from the queen. One that put all the others to shame. They saw the strength of the ant as the skilled man’s left arm

He must have been worried for their safety as he quickly told them to run for their lives. At first they refused, there was no way they’d leave a comrade behind! But they were sure that the man would return to them. The main character finally found someone who was the closest to his dad...he wanted to know more about this person and his adventures! So he vowed to rescue him while his best friend could only watch with dismay.

As they escaped, the two hoped for the man’s triumph. When they were safe, the main character promised to find the man, thinking he was taken hostage or the like. But his friend thought otherwise as the man wouldn’t have made them escape if his opponent was easy. Still, they were hopeful and planned to do everything in their power.

From then on, everyone underwent vigorous training, even more so than before. The two gained strength that would have made their past selves stare in awe. Now they gathered strong allies, far stronger and experienced than themselves. Even for their mature peers, they weren’t sure what to expect. The ant that took their friend was the first of the King’s Guards. They didn’t know how strong the others would be or who the King even was.

While they trained, the ants had already conquered many people and their land. Two more guards were born and then later it was the King. He was strong, fearless, and also arrogant. This ant was the strongest of them all and had the wisdom that gave him a reason to feel humans were the real ants, not them. Humans were now inferior and he took his rightful throne as the new top of the food chain.

In the book, things were once again kept simple; the pictures were beautiful but lacked depth and dimension. As things progressed, the two friends and their peers created a plan to kill the King. Now they were stronger than ever before, but there was something off about the main character. At first he always thought that the protagonist could do anything. Having such remarkable abilities at such a young age without rigorous training beforehand was a gift. No matter what obstacles he faced, he continued to smile. He was what brought everyone together, an important person.

Slowly, the protagonist changed from a person who would never truly kill his opponent to one that was willing to kill if it meant saving another. He was always the type that would go to the ends of the earth to save his friends. So no one really took notice of how he too was going through metamorphosis.

Yet everything in Killua was screaming. He empathized with the friend, more so than he thought he ever would. Seeing the main character so obsessed with saving the man was expected, but as the reader, he knew that the main character’s thoughts were in turmoil. Killua wanted so badly to just go into the story and tell them to wake up and realize something was wrong.

The children were only twelve when they first met, yet now they were going to fight a new foe, suddenly put into danger once again. They thought they’d leave unscathed like they did before, but as they headed for the King’s castle, they knew there was a good chance they’d all fail. Once they got there, their paths diverged. The best friend took pity on one of the ants, gaining his friendship while the main showed no mercy. When they finally found the guard they were looking for, they were conflicted. The guard protected a weak human girl that was injured in their attack on the castle. This ant was showing humanity towards someone, an act they didn’t know was possible.

Despite wanting to immediately force the guard to take him to his dad’s friend, the main character gave one condition. He will let them heal the girl as long as they brought him to the one he sought. It was tense as battles occurred around them, everyone was putting their lives on the line to save humanity.

When the girl finished healing, they decided to hold the girl hostage until the main character was satisfied. The friend followed orders, wishing that as long as he focused on completing the mission, everything would return to how it was before. If this was the main’s decision, he would support it. Little did he know, letting him go alone with the guard changed him forever for the man he sought was no longer the man he knew.

Yet now that same protagonist had parallels like that of the antagonists.

The pictures below the words transformed from these beautiful colorful landscapes to being nearly completely black once it showed the main character entering the building to find his friend.

At the beginning of the book, all of the pages were written on yellow paper, with the middle pages turning brown. Initially, he thought it was from old age or something, but towards the end of the book, the pictures darkened gradually. With every page turned, the brown pages slowly became stained with black ink. A small, black corner eventually turned into a half-stained page. Each time, it worsened until the entire page was black, the words and image completely painted over. Killua didn’t give it much thought since he was so engulfed in the story, but now he couldn’t read anything.

The last thing he saw before it was covered in the thick blackness was the image of a tall man wearing the same clothes as the main character, standing before a corpse with blue blood everywhere.

That was the last page. The ones after that were torn out. From frustration or anger, Killua couldn’t tell.

Someone had painted over the most important parts of the story, even going as far as to rip out the last pages after painting them. The black ink was splattered everywhere, crusty. Yet he swore he saw some smudges on his own fingers, but laughed it off. For there to be smudges, it would have been painted recently. Possibly right before it came into his possession. It frightened him and so he closed the book and flung it across the room. It landed in front of the window but at this point he didn’t care. The story that started off as a magical fairy tale was now becoming one of a nightmare.

Finally he found the story that Gon had told him. He got passed the Greed Island arc and nearly finished the whole thing, but now he’d never know of its ending. His strongest bond to Gon was this story. It’s the only thing Gon shared with him. The only thing that didn’t feel like the lies he spouted. If he knew the ending to the story, he felt that he’d come to some sort of revelation. For some reason the story felt important, like it had some hidden meaning to everything. He connected with the characters unlike in any story he ever read. All he wanted was to finish it and get it off his chest. A bubble of laughter escaped his lips and soon his laughing became hysterical. The man looking similar to the main character was scary and it sent down his spine. Rather than laughing, he felt like he wanted to cry. What happened to them? Did they all die afterwards? No matter how much he thought the tears would finally flow, he just lifted his head up and bellowed.

Now there was no other option but to ask Gon himself, but from the blackened mess he found, it probably wasn’t the best idea. The last time he saw Gon was when they had the fight and since then, he found himself feeling like it’d never happen. Yet with the appearance of the book, he felt closer to the truth than ever before. At the same time, there was clearly something stopping him from figuring it out on his own. Was Gon the one that painted the pages? With this new turn of events, Killua knew he’d see Gon again, now it was just a matter of when.

 

**-x-x-**


	6. Memories

Since his health improved, Killua only visited his room when he needed to. Some nights he preferred to sleep in his aunt’s bed. The mornings after, they wouldn’t even leave the bed, having breakfast with the blankets kicked off and a movie playing on the flat screen. They laughed and played around, cheeks eventually aching from their wide smiles. He no longer needed to worry about getting sick, or him becoming worse, and in his excitement, he completely forgot about the book.

Time flew by as he spent his days doing various activities. His aunty took him to a lot of places, finally going to the zoo and even aquariums. On one day, they even went to a planetarium and it was so much fun! Killua couldn’t recall the last time he was out of the house for more than a couple of hours and it wasn’t even for an appointment.

They ate so much food that he thought he’d get heartburn. Everything was so different; now he could do things he could never experience from his bed.

For hours, Killua just spent time outside. He’d sit in the front or backyard, his head tilted up at the vast sky. Just being able to see the sky was amazing by itself. Before, Killua could only gaze at the clouds and the stars through his bedroom window. At night, he’d watch the sky from his window facing the backyard, but trying to see meteor showers through a tree’s foliage wasn’t ideal.

From now on Killua could go outside to watch to his heart’s content during the day and he planned to do just that. He decided to visit the park right after lunch, making sure to eat everything on his plate so he wouldn’t get in trouble by his aunt. After washing his dishes, he quickly left the house and carefully crossed the street. The park was only half a block away, but when he got there, there was a ton of children of all ages playing around.

Rather than play on the park structure that included slides with a swing not too far away, he walked towards the path beside a baseball diamond. Yet as he passed the dugout, he kept walking until the sound of laughter and the squeaking of swings faded away. He walked and walked along the sidewalk, watching as the clouds passed by in different sizes and he loved all of them.

Finally, Killua found the perfect spot on the grass and plopped down to stare at the clouds all day, forming different things from the fluffy shapes. Birds chirped and bees buzzed, the world was alive. He felt like his possibilities were endless, no matter what obstacles stood in his way, he would overcome them! Nothing could rain on his parade as nothing could truly keep the sky from his sight anymore. Even if it rained, he wouldn’t need to run back in the house in fear of catching a horrible cold that could last him weeks or a month of play time. For the first time in years, he could finally stand beneath a gloomy sky and embrace the droplets that fell on his face without a care in the world. Killua couldn’t stop smiling even as he walked back home, passing by the empty park that was no longer drenched in laughter; only the rain..

It was so much fun!

Well, it was fun while it lasted, anyway. His aunty was able to take a couple weeks off, but eventually she needed to return to work. Once again, Killua was left to his own devices. His caretaker came to visit once a day just to make sure his health didn’t suddenly drop. Fortunately, that time never came.

The first thing he decided to do was reread Hunter x Hunter. He recalled throwing the book at the window in anger. At the time, he didn’t care what happened to it. Now he hungered for another chance to read. For what seemed like an hour, Killua searched for the book. He looked high and low and ended up rearranging his entire room. No matter where he looked, the book was nowhere to be found.

If it was any book, he would just let it go. But...this book was too important. He even cleaned up his room just to find it. Even though he was still mad, it was Gon’s important possession and now he lost it. If he somehow saw Gon again, he was screwed for sure.

Nothing was making sense. How could he lose a book that never left his room since he obtained it? Unless someone stole it...he didn’t see how it could be anywhere else. The most likely reason was that Gon slipped into his room and took it back...Was he so mad at him that he couldn’t even knock?

Ever since the book disappeared, Killua tried his best to ignore the pit in his stomach. Gon probably hated him by now and it broke him. He couldn’t go into his room without thinking of Gon. His thoughts constantly echoed in his head and it would drive him insane if left idle for too long.

Eventually, his aunt decided to pull him out of the house and play at the park. Maybe she noticed how his limitless energy quickly depleted and she wished to revitalize it through some rough and tumble play of tag.

Quickly, Killua noticed she’d purposefully take him out whenever the other kids played nearby. They would curiously look at him and soon they would approach them on their own and also drop by the park at the same he did. It wasn’t long before he found himself surrounded by kids he always dreamt of playing with and it was all thanks to his aunt.

Now he spent each day with the kids from the neighborhood, warming up to them and before he knew it, all thoughts of his best friend disappeared like any imaginary friend a child would forget.

After he got to know the kids, they let him play with their toys. He didn’t need a lot of toys before so he never asked his aunt for things that didn’t belong in his room. But when he returned home one day from hanging out at a friend’s house, a skateboard and yo-yo was placed on the rug in the living room.

The next day was only beginning when Killua headed out of the house with the brand spanking new skateboard tucked under one arm with the yo-yo tied around a finger on the opposite hand.

Some kids around his age that lived a bit farther down the street were expecting him and he didn’t want to be late. Having friends was a lot better than he ever hoped. It was everything he ever wanted. Everything he dreamed of was finally at his fingertips.

Now he had a loving family and newfound friends, including his two doctors Leorio and Kurapika. If things continued to go well with his health, his aunt told him that public school might become an option. It would be awkward, a difficult step in his life, but with their help, he knew he’d be fine.

Yet there was still one thing missing, one regret that still wouldn’t leave his mind. That one regret was Gon.

It will take a while, but he knew he’d be able to move on from Gon. He would still be remembered as his first friend. Before he met Gon, Killua lacked people skills, something he’s still working on. But he’s improved, and it was thanks to him that he was able to make new friends.

He never heard the full story from Gon about his disappearance. It’s been so long since he last saw Gon and maybe if they talked things out, they could reconcile. Things wouldn’t be the same as before, but he truly missed being with Gon. If he knew where Gon lived, he would have ambushed him a long time ago and demanded questions. He wanted to know everything and he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that there was more that Gon was hiding.

Lost in thought, Killua nearly hit a pole head-on, only missing thanks to a sudden meow from above. In a tree halfway to the neighbor’s house, there was a black cat perched on the lowest branch. Blue eyes stared back and Killua knew it was the same cat as before. He locked gazes with her, and her long, fluffy tail swayed back and forth in rhythm with his heart beat.

It quickened once he heard the children call out to him, noticing that he was on the way to their house. “Come on, Killua!”

“Coming—,” he stuttered out a reply. Right when he looked away from the cat, he noticed black, spiky hair behind a tree across the street. Gon. There was a chance that it wasn’t actually Gon, but it looked like him, as if he was leaning back against the trunk of the tree. So close yet out of reach.

“Hurry up, Killua!” One of the kids yelled.

Killua’s eyes focused back to the kid; smiling warily. He must have dropped his yo-yo because now it was a few feet in front of him, in the direction of the children. As he reached for it, he noticed the figure move farther away in the corner of his eye.

Panic spread through him, his hand freezing right above his yo-yo. He couldn’t move. The figure looked similar to Gon. Spiky black hair and wearing a green outfit. Yet that person moved farther and farther away. Gon was walking away.

Killua was divided, a part of him screaming, telling him to run while the other cautioned him to stay. One side wanted him to walk ahead towards his friends; his strut calm and head held high. The other wanted to run after Gon, because something in him felt like it could be the last time.

The children were growing impatient, calling his name over and over again. But the cause of his erratic heartbeat wasn’t because of them.

If he went with the kids, it’s like he chose them over Gon. He’d have everything he ever wanted, keep everything he currently had. He could finally become “normal” like everyone else.

As he contemplated his options, Gon was almost out of sight. If it weren’t for Gon…he never would have strived to become strong. Before he met Gon, he lived every day like the last. Nothing interesting ever happened to him and he felt like he’d never be able to reach his goals. Now, he could even talk and make friends with the children around the neighborhood. He wasn’t the same person that dreamily looked out the window, wishing for a miracle.

Right now, Killua was at a crossroads. It was between Gon or a new life. He knew that in time, he would forget all about his time with Gon. Their secret encounters would be nothing but an old daydream. There was a chance he could forget ever meeting him in the first place. His first friend would be nothing but a distant memory. And all he needed to do was walk straight towards the kids calling for him. Their smiles were warm and inviting while the air around him wasn’t. Yet as he thought about Gon and their relationship, his body heated up.

For the person who changed him, he would risk his happiness just to share some of it with him. Not because he felt obliged, but because he wanted to. It was because…Gon is his best friend.

In his mind, every logical decision deemed the new life to be better. He would grow up into the person he wanted to be and experience everything he dreamed about doing. But his feet wouldn’t give in. Instead, he felt his feet moving in the wrong direction. As Killua chose the different path, he knew it was the right one.

Soon everything around him faded.

The children’s voices sounded distant, like an ambulance’s siren that was so far away, but he was unaffected by its distress signal. As he focused on Gon, he felt his worries slip away.

The world around him was blurry as if it didn’t matter to him anymore.

The one who mattered was Gon and now everything was clear. Why did he even need to choose?

Now Gon was in front of him. He could begin his new life with Gon from now on.

Gon was within arm’s reach. He felt that if he just reached out, he could touch him.

“ _Killua, DON’T!”_

A loud voice broke his trance and Killua realized he was in the middle of the street. Car tires screeched and the pungent stench of burned rubber penetrated his nostrils.

The last thing Killua saw was Gon standing next to the cat, his eyes wide with fear and full of tears. All he could focus on was Gon, not the pain as he was thrown feet away.

In the bright rays of the sun, Gon was translucent. It was all so confusing—his brain slowly shutting down as he laid in the middle of the street, his limbs pointing in the wrong direction.

It wasn’t until his aunt ran through Gon did he finally understand. Gon was never an imaginary friend. Nothing about him was a figment of his imagination. Killua was so relieved that he formed a small lift in the corner of his mouth.

He was never made-up.

Gon was actually just a ghost.

 

 **-x-x-**                                           

 

_Everything around him turned pitch black before a bright light flashed and suddenly the scenery changed_

Killua slowly opened his eyes, rubbing them as he tried to get used to the brightness surrounding him. The sky was cloudless, a light blue hue that seemed to go on forever. The sky met the ocean on the horizon before him as he inhaled the floral fragrances that embraced him like a long lost memory.

The grass tickled his palms and with all the flowers, he’d think he’d be sneezing by now, but the scents were subtle. It had been so long since he could just lie down in a field without feeling a rash coming on.

It was so peaceful, he felt like he could fall asleep any moment. A long yawn escaped his opened mouth as he stretched his body as much as he could before feeling something cold. Killua retreated quickly, as though he were burned.

Finally he realized he wasn’t alone. Someone lay down next to him, but their face was hazy, almost like there was a large ‘X’ across their face. Even the colors of their clothes looked like dull grays compared to the vibrant world they were in.

Although he couldn’t tell who they were, he could feel when they were smiling or rolling their eyes and he’d react in reply. Their voice was dismembered, choppy like an unfocused radio station, but all he could hear was static. Except he could understand everything they said.

Killua stood up, compelled to lead the stranger to different places. He pointed to different things, speaking of them fondly. Each tree had a story behind it. Every large boulder and flower meant something in the story he was telling. His mouth moved without him meaning for it to. He couldn’t remember what he was doing before waking up in this new reality, but he knew these stories weren’t his to tell.

There was something off, but he didn’t mind. It was the safest he felt in a long time  .

When night fell, the two of them sat in front of a camp fire, and stars glittered above them, really setting a calm mood.

The two were chatting, both in their element and comfortable with the other. From the corner of his eye, he could see his friend stare at him every few minutes. Normally being stared at made him nervous, but he found himself beaming.

Killua smiled at them and his lips moved to speak, " _In my next life, I want to be me, and meet you again_."

Except the voice that came out wasn’t his and as he searched for an answer, the other person spoke and although it wasn’t his lips that moved this time, it was his voice. “Idiot…”

The fog finally lifted and Killua stared back at a mirror image of himself. Suddenly the other him was colorful, eyes a brilliant blue and fair skin that flushed.

Killua blinked and rubbed his eyes. When he opened them, he now saw a different person. Amber eyes paired with a smile that was the culprit of his pink tinge. Now he saw things from a different perspective, but it wasn’t as new as he originally thought.

From the moment he arrived, he had been seeing things from Gon’s eyes.

Recollections of hearing Gon’s storytelling and reading the book now merged with his forgotten memories. They weren’t some whispers in the dark, ordinary words on a page.

They were memories: _his_ memories.

Fragments were now beginning to combine; he found the missing pieces to the puzzle of his life. Things started to make sense, the reason why the story was so familiar, why he befriended Gon so easily.

Yet…he felt like those blackened torn out pages were still nowhere to be found.

Without warning, Killua felt something bubble up inside him, a deafening cry erupted from his lips and the world around him faded to black.

Then it all turned white.

 

**-x-x-**

 

“Doctor—!” The paramedics ran through the opened automatic doors, pushing an occupied stretcher.

Kurapika ran to them and started to check the patient’s vitals. “What happened?”

“They say he was hit by a car, he’s in critical condition and his heart rate is dropping.”

Immediately Kurapika recognized that it was Killua lying on the stretcher and he gritted his teeth, leading them to the operation rooms. “Leorio! We need your help!”

Leorio had been standing on the side, shocked by what he was seeing. But there was no time to ask questions as he spotted the familiar white hair of his favorite patient.

They were too occupied to notice a distressed woman that had crumbled onto the floor as they took Killua away. She was comforted by one of the nurses she befriended and was taken to the seating area near the room.

After waiting for what felt like hours, Leorio and Kurapika finally left the operation room. Their expressions were somber, but they were able to crack a small smile when their eyes met hers.

Leorio was the first to speak, “Thank you for waiting so long.”

“How is he?” She asked.

Kurapika interjected, “Killua’s surgery was a success. You arrived just in time. Had he been a few minutes late…” Kurapika looked grim as he paused, but shook his head and smiled lightly at her. “He has to stay in the ICU for now, at least until he stabilizes.”

She sighed in relief, “Thank you doctors.”

“Please don’t thank us yet, ma’am. Not until he’s back on his feet,” Kurapika replied firmly.

“For now,” Leorio patted her shaking hands with a sad sincere smile. “You should grab something to eat. I’m sure you weren’t able to eat anything since you first came in. Our café isn’t that bad.”

“You’re right,” she smiled a little and added, “The café workers all know me by name. Guess I’m a regular aha.”

The two were tired but managed to crack a smile at her joke to amuse her.

Kurapika left to look over the data collected on Killua while Leorio and Killua’s aunt grabbed something to eat.

 

**-x-x-**


	7. Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter!! I realized that it'd be fun to end this fic on 10/31/16 so here it is! Thank you for reading until the end! Happy Halloween!

* * *

 

_Do you think he’s awake yet?”_

_“Gon, you need to give him time. That car hit him pretty hard.”_

_“Ugh, I know. I’m just really worried. Why did he even try to walk across the street anyway?”_

_“He was chasing you.”_

_“…What?”_

_“He thought you were leaving him. He chose…you, Gon.”_

Killua woke up after everyone left, but kept his eyes closed as he heard two voices begin a conversation. His body felt heavy from the sedatives. The worst part was that his nose was itchy and he couldn’t reach to scratch it.

_“It appears he’s awake.”_

Killua opened his eyes, only seeing the familiar blinding interior of the hospital room. He tried to move, but was gently pushed down by Gon who suddenly appeared next to him.

“You shouldn’t be moving yet, Killua.”

“Gon…?” He wasn’t sure if he was just dreaming again or if Gon was really there. “Is…that you?”

“Yeah,” Gon smiled. “You idiot…look how badly beaten you are.”

At that, Killua woke up a little more. “ _I’m_ the idiot? _You’re_ the idiot for not visiting me for months!”

“Hah…? You’re the one that kicked me out!” Gon snapped back.

“Well—! That’s different!” Killua retorted with a huff.

“How is it? Please enlighten me, oh, Great One.” Gon must have been spending a lot of time with him to become so sarcastic.

Killua glared at him, not liking his tone. “You’re the one who lied to me! About everything too! Hmm, Mister Smarty Pants?”

“…Ah…” For a few seconds, Gon just looked everywhere but Killua’s face. “I forgot about that…ehe…”

All of a sudden, Killua became quiet, noticing a black cat perched on the end of his bed, resting in the space between his feet. “Tell me, Gon. Tell me everything that you’ve been hiding. I…remember.”

“You…remember?” Gon’s mouth opened and closed like a gasping fish. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie to me!” Killua’s voice sliced through the air, making Gon’s eyes widen in surprise. “I remember everything, Gon! I remember that you’re actually Gon Freecss and I’m Killua Zoldyck and—!” _You’re my best friend._ The memory of the book flashed through his mind. Not once did the book mention either of the names, neither did Gon’s story. It always covered their names, like it was a secret he shouldn’t learn.

Gon sighed, wringing his hands. “You don’t remember everything.”

“Well yeah, I don’t but why—?”

Gon disappeared, then reappeared on the other side of the bed, next to the machines that kept Killua’s heart beating. “If you did, then you wouldn’t even speak to me. You would’ve kicked me out by now.”

“What—?”

Gon started to become transparent and the beeping of his heart rate monitor started acting up.

“Don’t leave me, Gon.”

He couldn’t meet Killua’s eyes. “I have to, Killua. I shouldn’t even be here. I have to leave or else—”

Killua clutched his sheet, just like when the two had first met. “So what, you’re just going to abandon me again?”

That must have gotten Gon’s attention because he snapped his head up, gaze piercing. “I never abandoned you.”

“Yes, you did!” Killua glared at him. Once again he was yelling but he couldn’t help it. He felt weak; he was surprised that he was awake in the first place. “If you didn’t then you definitely are now…Some friend you are…”

Gon bit his tongue, struggling to not yell at him in return. He turned around, so that Killua couldn’t see the tears that slipped down his cheeks. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. But you know what? You’re right! I am a horrible friend, okay?! I-I’m the worst friend and I should n-never have knocked on your window that day.”

“Gon, I didn’t mean it like that—,” Killua tried to reach to him, but the tubes held him back.

“It doesn’t matter! You’re right. You’re…always right.” Gon faced Killua now, standing at the edge of the bed, scratching behind the cat’s ears. A smile graced his lips, bittersweet. “I never wanted you to end up like this. Nothing ever works out how I planned.”

“What do you mean?” Killua whispered.

Gon removed his hand from the cat like he was burned by his words. "…When I realized what me being near you was doing. Making you isolated—I tried to stay away."

The look on Killua’s face stayed confused, but he continued to be quiet, listening to every word Gon whispered. His voice was full of different emotions and it reminded Killua of when he was ranting about his aunt. Except this time Gon was ranting about the two of them.

"I was hurt when you told me to leave, but I was grateful.  It hurts less than you eventually leaving me for your real friends.”

Killua shook his head, “Gon, you’re my—“

"I WANTED YOU TO GROW UP, KILLUA! LIKE A NORMAL CHILD!” Gon cut him off, the sudden shouts quieting him down instantly. "TO GROW UP WITHOUT THE EXPECTATIONS OF BEING A ZOLDYCK, WITH A CARING FAMILY—”

Gon took a sharp inhale of breath, his voice beginning to crack. “I wanted you to grow up with the same loving care I received. You met everyone again. Do you know how amazing that is? What a miracle it is for you to all be reborn in the same timeline?”

Killua’s eyes widened, “What?”

Yet Gon didn’t stop talking. It was like everything in him was finally flowing out like a river that was rid of a dam. “I used everything I could to make sure you would be happy, Killua. Yet you just had to be a stubborn idiot!”

“HAH?”

"You overturned my wishes. I don’t know how or what you did. But you were born with an illness that shouldn’t have happened. No one in your family had it and with your living conditions, it shouldn’t have been a problem.”

Despite the puzzling look Killua had along with his loud outburst, Gon didn’t rise to his challenge. "It was great at first. It worked out well, she found you somehow and fell in love the moment she saw you, Killua. She knew you were special and I wanted you to live a long life.”

Killua scowled at the sudden mention of his aunty while the smile on Gon’s face quickly turned down.

“But I became selfish and lonely." Gon sat on the bed now, a grimace on his face. “So lonely that whenever I tried to watch you, I’d look like a monster and you’d scream if I got near. You were a keen child and could see me when you were little. The horrified look on your face—”

Gon shook his head, not heading down that train of thought. "If it weren't for Alluka and Nanika, I don’t know what could have happened. Each time I got like that, they would erase your memory about it."

“Alluka and Nanika…?” Killua whispered and suddenly he linked gazes with the cat who gently rubbed against his leg, purring. His sister had been there with him all along.

"It was going so well until you started to cry yourself to sleep, wanting a friend. I thought it was okay to reach out if only for a little while," he smiled but then shook his head again. "But I was wrong. I should never have knocked on your window."

"You were supposed to become close with Kurapika and Leorio. They've known you for only a little while and yet they care for you just like they did before. So why…Why did you chase after my shadow?" His voice was full of different emotions as he leaned against the bed beside Killua’s left side. Gon covered his face.

“Gon,” the corner of Killua’s mouth lifted as he reached to hug Gon, but he was cut off as Gon stood up, seething.

“Why did you have to do this, huh? I was just trying to make everything right. To make up for what I did. For the pain I put you through. YOU EVEN FOUND EACH OTHER AGAIN SO WHY, KILLUA? WHY—!” Gon fell to the ground. There was no sound upon contact, but Killua heard a loud thunk that rung through his ears. "W-Why…couldn't you just...leave me be?"

“HOW COULD I?” Killua finally interjected as Gon tried to breathe, having an outburst of his own.

Suddenly the image of him smiling at Gon as the two laid in his bed flashed in his mind. “It’s like they’re connected by a red string of fate, Gon! I wonder if we might have that kind of bond too…” It wasn’t some story. It was about their life the entire time, his life that had Gon in it long before he even knew.

Killua settled down, the tears from his eyes ready to fall. “…You’re my best friend, Gon.”

Gon shook his head, wiping the tears that inevitably fell down Killua’s face. “I don’t deserve you.”

Finally he was able to ask the questions that had been bothering him the entire time. “Tell me what happened, Gon. Why were the last pages of the book black? What are you hiding from me?” He gulped. “How did we…die…?”

“Nanika,” Gon turned away once again. “Show Killua what he wants to see, please. Only then will he understand.”

“Aye aye,” Alluka’s blue eyes swirled as Nanika surfaced. Her eyes became a dark whirlpool and Killua stared into her eyes, quickly falling into the abyss.

 

* * *

 

 

_Killua watched as it rained on the town he still lived in, there was no one outside as they must’ve been nestled under a blanket to keep themselves warm._

_When he blinked, he was suddenly inside his house, behind a tiny him. The tiny Killua was perched on the window seat, watching the rain through the window, loving the gray clouds and the water that slithered down the glass._

_As Killua watched himself gazed towards the sky, soft cries stole both of their attention. Killua stepped closer as the little him stood up on the seat, wondering where the noise was coming from._

_Tiny Killua tried his best to look down too, but gave up and lifted the window so he could poke his head out._

_A quiet gasp fell from his lips but big Killua watched in confusion. He didn’t remember any of this._

_Against the wall of  their house, a small black kitty cried for help. The kitty must’ve noticed the small Killua as it stepped into the flowerbed full of flowers below his head. The large leaves were perfect to hide from the pouring rain it seemed._

_With haste,  tiny Killua nearly tripped heading towards the front door to go out to the front yard. He passed by the fragrant kitchen as his aunt cooked curry for lunch. He was in such a rush that he forgot to put on rain boots._

_The rain pelted the little him whom was immediately drenched from head to toe.  He searched for the creature crying for help._

_From the moment  Killua saw his young self grab the drenched kitty, his heart ached. Killua knew he had fallen in love._

_With his small hands, Killua protected the cat. With a lot of care , tiny KIllua brought the cat inside the house, both of them dripping wet and shivering._

_It was then that Killua realized he wasn’t wet at all and was actually moving back and forth to watch this story unfold. He didn’t know whose perspective he was watching all of this from. He just knew it wasn’t his own._

_Almost immediately, Killua heard his aunt lecture his little self about leaving the house while it rained, but when she paused her cooking and turned around, her expression softened._

_For what seemed like a long time, their aunt worked on getting the two dry so they wouldn’t catch a cold. While she gently wrapped the kitten in a towel, she looked under the cat’s belly and declared it was a girl._

_Tiny Killua was ecstatic to know the gender of the kitty and in the end he decided to call her Alluka. He didn’t know why the name appealed to him but it just did._

_Now, Killua knew exactly why as Alluka was his sister all along. This must have been the cat his aunt would casually bring up all the time. Yet he didn’t remember any of this at all._

_Time passed and now it’s been a couple of years, Killua sees himself, still as a child as his aunt held him, He knew something had happened but he wasn’t shown. All he saw was the two of them huddled in front of a spot in the backyard that had a lone flower on top of a small hill of dirt. It was the same flower they grew in the front yard and Killua knew what happened instantly._

_Killua finally turned around from the crying tiny Killua, noticing a shadowed figure who watched with dismay. A cat sat in his lap as the two watched, having only each other as comfort._

_Over the course of different scenes, Killua recognized the figure as Gon. There were multiple times when he saw tiny Killua have nightmares or see shadows in his room. Each time it happened, Gon’s face darkened._

_Gon would watch him longingly, sometimes he would try to talk to him and then turn around. Whenever Killua would get hurt, Gon would look scared. Whether it was from him being hurt or the possibility of Gon being happy at that thought, he couldn’t tell._

_Young Killua would often have nightmares, dreams about his past life that he shouldn’t be able to have. It would pain him greatly to remember things and Gon couldn’t help it. He asked Nanika to materialize his memories into a medium that he could obtain if he ever wanted to. It turned into a fairy tale book, like the ones that lined his bookshelf._

_When Gon grabbed the book, he flipped the pages, his eyebrows knitted together. “So these are his memories…”_

_“What are you going to do, Gon?” Alluka asked. Since she’s a cat, she doesn’t actually speak. They would communicate telepathically._

_Gon closed the book and with a frown he said, “I’m going to erase them.”_

_Alluka circled around his feet. “You can’t do that…”She murmured._

_“Well maybe I can’t, but I can at least take out the last pages. You see how he is Alluka; he can’t handle having the memories of his past life.”_

_As he watched, Killua shook his head. Even if he couldn’t handle it, he wanted to know!_

_“But then he won’t remember us. Are you sure you want to do that? Even after Nanika brought everyone closer so we could cross paths? Are you willing to throw that all away? He won’t remember you, Gon.” She tried to reason, but Gon wasn’t having any of that._

_“I’m fine with that if it’s the only way.” He was determined to keep him safe and even as Killua watched their interactions, he knew what Gon was thinking. “I know you care about your brother’s health and happiness, Alluka. He will be happy with all of you…there’s no point in ruining it all just so he can remember me.”_

_“But—!”_

_“No!” Gon raised his voice, his hands trembling as he clutched the book. “I don’t want him to be hurt again because of me. It’s…fine…this way.”_

_After that, Alluka didn’t bother to mention it. Time passed  and Killua realized it that it would be a long time before Gon was strong enough to ruin the book._

_He found it odd that as he watched Gon watching his tiny self, there were times when Gon disappeared and no one guarded the book. He took it as an opportunity and tried to touch the book himself. Surprisingly it worked. Maybe he was put in this realm to give him the chance to read his untainted memories from the beginning._

_Everything seemed intact as he flipped the book from the back cover to the page he had left off. When he was unconscious, he found out about Greed Island and the words written on the pages were kept straight forward._

_Killua turned the pages until he found it: the page with the two leaving with Kite, the disciple of Gon’s father, Ging._

_At first things were calm, almost too calm. His head started to ache once he came across the part where Gon lead everyone with his sensitive nose. Everything in his body was telling him to turn around, to not flip another page. A scream threatened to leave his throat, yelling at Gon to turn away. It’s not safe there, Gon. Not safe not safe not safe. Run, Gon! Run…please._

_Blood streamed down his chin from him biting down on his bottom lip. He didn’t know what would happen if he screamed, if he spoke out loud. Maybe the illusion would disappear. He’d wake up alone in his bed again like all the other times. Maybe Gon would see him and start yelling. Maybe Nanika would—No he couldn’t think about it._

_He needed to find out what happened once and for all._

_As he read on, he noticed that their names were finally being used in the book. One sentence turned into two, then three, and then four. The length increased the more he read and suddenly the book was now like any novel you’d find, without pictures. It was all written in detail and he could see it being played in his mind like the switch of his memories was flipped on._

_The moment he came across the pages of Gon with Neferpitou, his heart sank and those warnings from before the arc began now with Gon sleeping on his back as he traveled long distances just to keep him safe._

_As he read those words, Killua could feel the sweltering heat beating down on him. His throat burned, almost more than any training he had endured under Illumi and his parents._

_Even as he read the story, tears fell from his eyes. He skipped to the pages about Gon because that’s what he really wanted to know. What happened to Gon? How did he become a ghost? Everything else was starting to come back to him but those questions could only be answered by the book or by Gon himself. Gon broke down and used everything in his power. It power he shouldn’t even have yet, power that was too much for his young self. His muscles weren’t ready, his brain clearly wouldn’t be able to maintain under it all._

_When Killua found Gon, he was hitting a corpse that was long dead. The color blue was splattered everywhere, blood of their enemy—even though Gon would have normally been the one that saw their similarities, their connection. This Gon was different, he looked like an adult and once that illusion of strength disappeared, he fell and returned to his original form._

_It must have been too much because Gon became frail. Just like before, Killua carried Gon on his back. Yet now he used his own nen to rush them back, the battle was already over and he feared that Gon’s life was too._

_It was selfish of him, of both of them. Seeing Gon’s body lying on the hospital bed was worse than any nightmare. It was the worst thing the doctors had ever seen. There was no hope for him, they said. But Killua had one last hope that only his family knew about._

_It was selfish of him, but he left in search of his beloved sister’s help. Alluka and Nanika were his last hope and if they couldn’t heal Gon, then nothing would work._

_Killua returned to the Zoldyck household and fought for his sister who he had been neglecting, but she still loved him. He did everything he could and when he brought her back to the hospital, his selfishness only became worse. Yet her pure soul forgave him._

_The two of them used their power on Gon and then when he flipped the page, it was blank. He reached the end of the book but clearly the story was not yet finished. He searched and searched, flipping the pages back and forth. There must be more than meets the eye, a secret message or something. There was no way that could be the end._

_But then it clicked._

_There was an end to the story._

Gon died.

* * *

“Killua?”

The first thing Killua saw was Gon. His voice was laced with concern, his eyebrows knitted together. His first reaction was to flick him in the forehead, making Gon stumble back in confusion. “You idiot!”

“H-Huh?” Gon asked, rubbing his forehead. Killua inched closer to his nose so Gon shielded that too.

“You’re such an idiot. Idiot idiot idiot!” Killua yelled at him, repeating his insult over and over again until he hunched over, trying to breathe.

Gon immediately started to rub his back in circles, “Are you okay…Killua?”

With tears falling down his cheeks, Killua wrapped his arms around Gon’s waist, burying his head into his chest. “You died, didn’t you?”

Slowly Gon nodded, seeing Killua vulnerable was new and he didn’t like it. “I did.”

“Dumbass,” Killua nestled closer, “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

“Uh uh,” Gon smiled softly, gently smoothing down Killua’s hair.

“Ugh,” Killua couldn’t speak as he held his best friend. “Idiot.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry…that I left you so soon—!” Gon’s calm composure cracked and the two hugged each other, their bodies trembling. They were finally able to let out all the pent up feelings they had. “I’m so sorry, Killua.”

“I’m so sorry, Gon!”

They were heaving, snot dripping from their noses, their eyes bright red and already puffy from their crying. “You didn’t see everything, did you?”

“No,” Killua let go of Gon, more than his eyes were red as he realized that he held on tightly. “It stops after Nanika used her powers on you.”

“Oh, that.” Gon sighed and suddenly appeared in front of Killua, on top of the bed with his legs crossed. “After…I died, you and Alluka quickly left everyone else to go on your own adventure. You left without saying goodbye. Sometime…on your adventure, you messed up and then you…joined me as a spirit too.”

“And here I thought I’d die a cooler death,” Killua couldn’t help but add.

Gon cracked a smile and continued. “For years I waited you, but time as a spirit is different than as a human. I don’t know how long I waited, but when it was time for us to be reincarnated…”

“What did you do?” Killua poked him.

“I wanted to make sure you had a better life Killua. So I gave up my chance for reincarnation then and decided to watch over you all.”

He stayed silent, he wasn’t exactly sure how such a thing would be possible, but he shrugged. “…So then what? That’s it?” Killua asked.

“That’s it,” Gon scratched his head and stretched. “Now you know everything—“

“Okay good—,” Killua smiled.

“—and now my job here is done.”

“Your what now?” His smile instantly disappeared.

Gon smiled as his body disappeared once again to only show up in the right corner of the room. “I have to leave now.”

“Oh, when are you going to come back?” His question was innocent, but from how Gon’s lips twitched, Killua felt his heart sink. “You’re…not coming back…Are you, Gon?”

“I’m…not…” Gon scratched the back of his head, the smile brighter than before. “You’re so smart, Killua! You always catch on quickly. You’re not dense like me…ehe.”

“Don’t ‘ehe’ me, Gon!” Killua pushed off the blankets, forcing Gon to push him back against the bed. “Don’t you dare try to pass this off as something you can laugh about!”

The false light hearted air around Gon dissipated and instead his eyes were full of sorrow. “Killua, please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“You’re saying you’re leaving me again! You’re the one making it hard, not me, Gon. It’s not me!” Killua’s voice cracked and he wiped the tears that fell. “Why, Gon? Why?”

“I’m—,” Gon bit his lip. “The moment you remember everything, is when I have to leave. You will forget everything so you can finally be happy.”

“Happy?!” Killua retorted, his voice so cold that it could freeze the very air he breathed. “How can I be happy if you’re going to erase everything? After I finally remember—after I finally met you again?

Gon glared at him, his face wet now too. “It’s not my choice, Killua! Do you think I’d leave you because I wanted to? It’s why I didn’t tell you in the first place, okay? I broke the rules and now I have to face the consequences!”

“Gon Freecss facing the consequences of his actions for once?” The sarcasm in his voice was heavy. “Wow what a great time to finally own up to everything, huh?”

 “You know what this was a mis—” Gon stopped himself, but Killua definitely heard him. Gon took a step forward, ready to say something. An apology or another snappy comeback, Killua wasn’t sure. But then Gon stepped backward into the wall but instead of hitting it, he walked through. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, Killua.”

“A…mistake?” Killua laughed. “You think this was a mistake? Telling me something I deserve to know is a mistake? Are you saying that I’m a mistake, Gon?”

Gon frowned, seeming more guarded than he was before. “You know that’s not what I meant, Killua.”

Killua shook his head, “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should have grown up with everyone by my side. With friends who will grow to love me…more than you ever did anyway.”

Now Gon couldn’t say anything because Killua was right. That’s everything he wanted, the original plan that he couldn’t follow through.

In his blinded anger, Killua continued. “Then no one will remember Gon Freecss. The hero that in the end became the antagonist and then he decides to enter his best friend’s life again just to run away.”

“I am not running away—!”

“Yes, you are! It took you twelve years to finally speak to me and now you want to erase my memories?”

“It’s been more than twelve years, Killua—!” Gon’s eyes widened. He said too much.

Killua glared at him and finally got out of the bed, pulling out the tubes from his arms. His knees wobbled and he had to use the bed for support, but he walked to Gon who was frozen in place. “What else are you keeping from me, Gon?”

He shook his head, “I can’t.”

“Tell me, now.”

Gon was already against the wall, he couldn’t escape now that Killua had him cornered. “This…isn’t the first time you’ve been reincarnated. It’s the first time you all found each other but…it’s not the first time I’ve seen you grow up.”

“You…”

Quickly, Gon closed his eyes shut, waiting for a punch to the face or maybe even a slap since the current Killua was so weak. What he didn’t expect was to see Killua crying once again. The puffiness of his eyes must’ve been permanent by now.

“You’ve never…reincarnated…?” He asked and Gon shook his head. “Not even once?”

Gon smiled sadly, “I did something unforgivable, Killua.”

How many years had Gon been alone? He said that he had to watch Killua grow up multiple times. Some of those times must have been longer—He could have lived be middle aged or even until he was old as a prune. And that entire time, Gon had stayed silent. No wonder he almost turned into a bad spirit. How many of those times did Alluka and Nanika actually stay with him?

“You…You really are an idiot.”

“Eh?”

Killua smacked his chest, “You should have told me sooner, idiot!”

“I already told you why I couldn’t!”

Killua kept smacking him until he could barely stand. “I…I’ve missed you too you know?”

Gon smiled, caressing Killua’s cheek. “I know.”

“I don’t want to wait until I die again.”

Alluka jumped onto Gon’s shoulder, her tail covering Gon’s mouth as she leaned closer to her brother. “You can go with him now.”

“Alluka!”

Both of them ignored Gon, “I can?”

“I can help you Onii-chan, but it can only work now. Once they come back, you can never see us again. Is it really worth it?”

Killua contemplated it for a second. Everything he ever wanted was waiting for him just outside the door. The family and friends he dreamed of, but somehow he knew. If this was the first time Gon ever tried to reach out to him, then why did he say it was his fault for being reincarnated as a sick child this time? Maybe he had been reincarnated before and found an unsuspecting Gon. There was no point in living a long life if it just meant that he’d have to go through all of this again. Living as if something was missing isn’t what he wanted. He already did that countless times and he finally found the last piece of the puzzle and it had been there in front of him all along. “In my next life I want to be me and meet you again, Gon.”

Alluka smiled, her tail moving from Gon’s face to Killua’s eyes. “Are you sure?”

Killua smiled and Gon cried.

“Yes.”

The moment he said that, Nanika took over and replied with an ecstatic “Aye aye.”

Before the two could say parting words, Killua’s body went limp. Gon caught him before he fell to the ground. Slowly he carried him to the bed, attaching the tubes only to hear the machine beeping crazily and then flat lining for effect.

Rumbling sounds of a stampede alerted them and the two watched as the doctors hurriedly tried to bring him back to life. But the two knew it was too late, his soul had already left.

A clanging and a loud scream grabbed their attention and they watched as Killua’s aunt crumbled to the ground. Her food splattered everywhere but she ignored it and tried to crawl to his bed. She kept tripping, refusing help from the others as she was determined to help her son.

Leorio and Kurapika held her back as the others tried to restart his heart, but his heart had long stopped beating.

Tears all fell from their eyes, even the ones that were deemed cold hearted. Seeing her sobbing as the realization of his death was too much. Some had to leave the scene while others comforted her. They record the time of death and they felt hopeless.

With determination, she climbed into the bed and cradled him against her chest, apologizing over and over for having missed out on his final moments. No one had the heart to separate the two even after his body turned cold from the air conditioned room. Her cries echoed throughout that floor, not one person didn’t feel their heart reach out to the mother who just lost her child.

Even the two ghosts couldn’t help but to cry at the scene before them. Gon tried his best not to cry, but it was inevitable. “I’m glad he had you for a mother. I wonder if you cried like that too when you found out I died, Aunt Mito.”

“I’m so sorry. I love you,” she whispered.

For a second Gon had thought she was replying to him, but knew that it wasn’t as she whispered it as she held Killua, not him.

Gon swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled as he thought of him. “Let’s go, Alluka, Nanika. Killua must be waiting for us.”

Alluka smiled sadly, but she looked forward to the future. "I can’t wait for all of us to be reincarnated again."

Nanika nodded and they disappeared after her two last words. "Aye aye."

 

\---

_Fin._

 


End file.
